Penguin Mario, By The Game Prince:

I like the background here, the blue and white gives a cool feel which also fits the theme of the picture. The text is also quite cool; I like how it’s drawn.

Mario also looks very good here. He is drawn and colored well here. I like how his feet are; and his torso is good, especially the tail and arms. His head is great too, I like his eyes and the yellow part above his head.

My only suggestion would be to make a darker outline for the nose, as it doesn’t really stand out. Also perhaps to add some more hair as well.

This is a nice picture; it’s clean and has some flavor to it, which is nice.

Great job, The Game Prince!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1892

Cheatsy Koopa, By Ember Koopa:

Similar to Ember Koopa’s previous picture, this is absolutely clean but kinda lacking flavor.

The drawing is basically flawless, as is the coloring. I especially like his eyes here; and the pose is nice. The black outlining is also good.

I do like the text as well, and it’s the most flavorful thing in the picture, I feel.

I can only strongly suggest to add some flavor to it. A background could help this a lot, especially if it’s to be kept to the clean digital art.

Still, this is quite a good picture. Nice for a base of him.

Good job, Ember Koopa!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1891

CD COVERAGE

Wahahahaha! Here’s some CD reviews, since I got the chance!

SMG Toy Time Galaxy

I don’t have Super Mario Galaxy, but this song is neat. It sounds like some kind of remix of a classic Super Mario Bros. song. I like the other parts and the interesting differences from the old theme. It also has a very gamelike sound to it.

A pretty nice song; good job.

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lk20/lk20.php … ission=681

SMG Bowser’s Galaxy Reactor

This song has soul to it, and I can hear that. It’s nice and has a kind of important feel to it, but not evil sounding like many of Bowser’s themes. Definitely also space-themed. It actually kind of reminds me of the theme for the Mario Party 2 board, Space Land, combined with Star Trek, and some added things.

Very nice song, and I personally like it a lot.

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lk20/lk20.php … ission=680

SMG Beach Bowl Galaxy

This song is interesting. It has a happy and somewhat relaxed sound to it. Quieter than many, which I like. Unless you’ve got your speakers set a good deal higher than I do, this one won’t blast out. It has some elements of water themes, but doesn’t fit the mold entirely.

A pretty song, and not particularly strong. More of a relaxing one.

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lk20/lk20.php … ission=679

_

REVIEWS REVIEW

Well, it’s me again, Sgt. Fly; I decided to review another one of Crazy Packers Fan’s controversial reviews. Now, out of everything he’s written, this is probably the most infamous; his Super Mario Sunshine review. Let us begin…

This is the game you’re practically all familiar with by now. It’s the big 3D GameCube adventure Mario game. It’s so famous already, it’s very popular, and it’s even been called “the best game EVER!!!”

…By who?

Now if any of you know me, you know that when it comes to video games, nothing, and I mean nothing, annoys me as much as someone calling a new game “the best ever.”

Ahhh, that’s tasteful. I remember those blasted Super Smash Bros. Brawl fanboys calling it the best game ever the day it came out…

But… times have changed. Luigi’s Mansion, for those of you who had it, was a lot of fun for a while. I reviewed it before hitting the final boss, and I gave it 3 1/2 stars, thinking it was great. Then, we all found out that the game was extremely short, and all of our opinions of it went down (I would now give it only 1 star).

See, this reveals that CPF has a habit of being too strict. I think Luigi’s Mansion was an incredible and underrated game, but if he wants to give it 1 star, that’s fine. But he had no right to do that just because the game was short.

At that point, I saw something bad in the Mario series. Something very scary. My fear: Mario games would turn into eye candy, and all the fun would go away.

Please, Nintendo knows better than that.

My first impression of this game was that it would be impossible, because I struggled getting used to the controls. Then, everything clicked, and I started really enjoying this game. I started fooling around, getting Shine Sprites, and having a good time. I figured I would beat it by December, and everyone would get to find out my opinion of this game around Christmas.

 
Then, it happened. October 18, 2002. The day that will live in videogame infamy.

Because a random guy on a Mario fansite had a negative experience with the game? Hmph!

Story: *
I’ve heard about how this story is so brand new, different from all other Mario games, how we’ve never heard anything like this before.

Wake up.

How about YOU wake up? It IS a brand new story, and while it does involve Peach getting kidnapped, there’s plenty of depth and uniqueness in it.

Have any of you who said this played Super Mario Advance 2 or Super Mario World? And if you have, don’t you remember that story? Mario and Peach go on vacation. Peach gets captured. Bowser is at the bottom of the troubles at this remote location. Mario makes it through seven worlds, then goes to face Bowser, who has a kid nearby him. That’s the story of both Super Mario World and Super Mario Sunshine. I’m shocked no one noticed the parallels.

…The stories are just SLIGHTLY similar, with the whole vacation concept and whatnot. Plus, Mario Sunshine had Shadow Mario, who added a lot of intresting things to the story. Mario getting thrown in jail…Hmmm, didn’t expect that…

Guess what else: the whole “Mario getting captured” thing doesn’t make sense. Surely it makes sense, you may think. After all, there are tons of these Piantas. However, Mario is Mario. He can defeat tons of Troopas and Goombas at a time. Surely Mario could escape or beat up on these Piantas.

See, this is similar to his Paper Mario review, where he expected Peach to beat up Bowser. Mario is a peaceful person when he’s not fighting Bowser’s troops; I don’t know why he would harm innocent islanders just to escape.

Graphics: **1/2
Again, I’ve heard about how these are maybe the best graphics ever, how they’re perfect, and how awesome this game looks.
Brrring!

 
Don’t hit the snooze button, because this alarm clock is telling you that the graphics in this game don’t compare to lots of other PS2, Xbox, and Cube games.

So they’re not that great because some games have better graphics, is that what you’re saying? By that standard, Super Mario Galaxy’s graphics would be awful because a lot of Xbox 360 games have better graphics.

Let’s take a closer look. The water is my biggest complaint; it doesn’t look real. Is it supposed to look all cartoony? If yes, then lots of people are wrong in saying that this game looks real. If no, then the graphics are poor.

You can’t seriously expect Mario to explore an extremely realistic world, so of COURSE the graphics are supposed to look cartoony.

Remember Wave Race: Blue Storm? This is a forgotten game from the first week of the Cube’s release. While I don’t own it, I remember playing it in stores and seeing how real the water looked. This game’s water looks bad.

…What? The water effects are nearly perfect. That’s really all I can say.

No, not as bad as the water in the upcoming Zelda game for the Cube.

Wind Waker? Well, despite how much I hated that game, I loved the graphics; it’s called CEL-SHADING. The water is SUPPOSED to look like that.

What else is wrong? Tall objects in this game can be very, very blurry if you’re looking at them from far away. The “wanted” posters on the walls look terrible.

They’re sketches that were drawn by local witnesses; you should expect them to look kind of sloppy.

Sound: *
The music in this game isn’t very good. It’s boring, at best. This is a shame, too, because this is the first game starring Mario for the GameCube, which has unquestionably the best sound system of any game system yet.

Ok, he’s got a point here, I found the music to be the most dissapointing part of Sunshine, myself.

Not only that, but Mario games historically had the best music ever.

Ah…Mhmmm, I can’t blame him for that incorrect statement, because his Reviews tell that he’s obviously never played a Final Fantasy game…Or a Mana game. No Square games at all, in fact, and many Square games have soundtracks better than that of most Mario games.

Remember the addictive Mario theme song? They changed it to have morons humming to it. It’s one of the worst songs in the history of videogames.

I don’t see how just an instrumental change can ruin a song…Then again, I’m reminded of 02′s theme when it was remixed for Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Never before has a song been so brutally slaughtered.

Controls: ***
I know I’m going out of my usual order, but I don’t think you really care. It’s important that I do this, so you’ll understand my opinions later. I have to say this: the controls in this game are good. They’re adequate. I know what button does what, and it’s not hard to hit buttons in high-pressure situations. I’m impressed by this, in fact, because there are so many things to remember, but I can remember almost all of the controls in any situation.
The thing I don’t like is the combos. I don’t like the side somersault, and I especially hate the spin jump. It’s sometimes impossible to tell if you’ve spun the Control Stick around enough for a spin jump to be executed,

Come on, the spin jump isn’t that hard. And if you can’t do it that way, just spin the control stick in the air– But heck, it’s not even a very important move anyway.

Camera: no stars

Look, I don’t see why everyone thinks the camera is so terrible. It’s a huge nuisance during that one level in Pinna Park, and a few other minor instances, but I overall found it to be functional and satisfactory.

Going out of order once more, I must talk about the camera before I go on to difficulty, so you can understand part of the difficulty’s rating. The camera is the worst ever. I’ve played Super Mario 64 for about an hour, struggled with its camera…

…Ok, really, MARIO 64? A BAD CAMERA? It’s camera system was nearly perfect. Not once do I remember having trouble with it.

Difficulty: ****
There is a fine line between making a game hard and impossible. Super Smash Bros. Melee was the best game on the difficulty scale ever.

I do wonder this – If CPF has played so many games, then why is he so unfamiliar with so many important masterpieces? EarthBound, Secret of Mana, Golden Sun; all of those have nearly-perfect difficulty levels. Melee can’t compare to them– Wait, how does Melee even HAVE a difficulty scale? I mean, if he’s talking about beating Classic, Adventure, and All-Star modes with all characters, then the game is FAR from the “perfect” difficulty level.

Why? Why is this game so hard? The levels are massive, but the room for error is very little. If you slip at one little part, you lose everything you’ve worked for. You’ll go all the way through the level, make one mistake, and have to start over.

Yes, it’s called DYING. You should be quite familiar with that term, seeing you rage like an angry boar.

You have to understand, I don’t like trying something 50 times,

Yet he was able to play through Melee’s extremely repetitive single-player modes many times and still call it “the best game on the difficulty scale ever.”

What’s more is that Super Mario Sunshine doesn’t let you jump out of order in episodes, or let you only have to beat 7 out of 10 episodes, whichever ones you please. You have to beat the exact 7 in the exact same
order they come in. If I don’t like Bianco Hills, Episode 6, while I may like Bianco Hills, Episode 9, I should have the option of choosing that one to beat instead. Nope, there’s no option like that. Beat these 7 episodes, in the exact same order they come in, or you can’t beat this game. This is not fair to the one who paid money for this game,

That’s like saying that if someone payed for Super Mario Galaxy and thought it was hard, then it was not fair to them. Really, a lot of the best games ever are hard. CPF really needs to suck it up and not bash the game for his own whinyness.

Now I have finally come to the event that will explain most of my frustrations at this game. It occurred on
that day I mentioned before, October 18, 2002, at Bianco Hills, Episode 6, The Secret of the Dirty Lake. At this point I was moving through the game pretty well. I had some Shines in some other places and felt that the game was not only beatable, but possibly going to be great. Bad news: the awful Mario theme song humming version was playing. Even worse, I had a hard time just getting through the first bunch of platforms. These are flipping platforms, and you must use precise timing to jump from one to another. Maybe that may not sound too hard, but keep in mind that while Mario would turn, the camera wouldn’t. Result? My sense of directions keeps getting messed up. Not to worry; I was able to get the camera behind Mario by hitting L (every time I moved), and then kept getting 1-Ups. At this point, another difficult jump had to be made, requiring either a side somersault or a spin jump. I would have a hard time doing this, because as I would “wind up” for the jump, I’d usually run right off the platform I was on.
After about 20 tries, I finally made it to the spinning cube, which carried me across to the other side. Then, more fun came with the next spinning cube, which required exact timing with moving Mario to stay on the cube. Needless to say, I was unable to do so around 10 to 15 more times.
Then came the worst part: more of the flipping plaforms, only with bigger gaps in between, more strategy in jumping involved, and the worst part: a camera acting stupider than usual. I would have to hit L constantly to get the camera behind Mario, or I could not see where I was going. Hitting L makes you lose a split-second, throwing off my timing. After losing a whole bunch of times more, I got to the final flipping platform.
With the Shine Sprite just out of reach, I could not come through with a jump to get me across. After all, I would need to get the camera situated perfectly to angle my jump up correctly. Even worse, I needed to execute a spin jump to make it across. That takes up too much time, as does a side somersault, which I tried as well. Sometimes Mario would run too far as well. I ended up losing a lot of times, not only on this part but then on the beginning part, because I was getting frustrated and tired.
Finally, 90 minutes after I started, I finally made it across to the Shine Sprite. Was I thrilled? Was I happy? Was I estatic? Hardly. While I did play it a little bit longer afterward, I wasn’t too happy when playing it. After that horrendous night, I did not play Super Mario Sunshine for the next two months, having all kinds of strange daydreams and nightmares about the game and this level itself.

…How about you go to Ricco Harbor and get a different bloody Shine Sprite? My GOSH, you may not be able to skip certain episodes in a level, but you don’t have to do EVERY EPISODE IN THAT LEVEL in order to proceed to the next.

Characters: no stars

We’ll begin with Mario. Mario seems like a mime. He makes sounds, but he doesn’t talk. He’s the hero of
this game, but he has no personality of his own. He doesn’t speak in defense at the trial, he doesn’t talk
back to FLUDD, he doesn’t talk period. Come on, Nintendo, I’m sure your 128-bit system can handle Mario talking more often, at least to others. If this is supposed to be some groundbreaking game experience, why can’t the main character be the way he is? I didn’t like this in Paper Mario, I didn’t like it in SMRPG, and I don’t like it here. It’s ridiculous for Mario to be this way, unless that is his personality. And if it is, that’s really stupid.

In case you didn’t notice, Mario almost never actively talks. Plus, silent protaganism is very common in a lot of games, not just with Mario.

Now we come to a character I’ve long disliked: Peach. Peach is her same helpless self, with the same stupid
voice and personality I don’t like. She tries changing things up with her hair, but it’s better the way it was in the first place. Now she looks as dumb as she acts!
Finally, we come to the characters of the place known as Isle Delfino (Dolphin Island, for those of you not
familiar with Italian). These Piantas are walking, blubber-filled imbeciles. They talk like the morons they are. Why in the universe Mario gets jailed by these losers is beyond me. They’re more helpless than Peach, and they’re only slightly less ugly than Peach.

Okay, I’m thinking there’s a bias that CPF has against Peach. I detect a strange sexist undercurrent with the way he talks about her. I mean, the Princess is quite pretty, but he’s actually dubbing her inferior to the Piantas in terms of looks. And calling her “helpless”? She’s just a princess, most princesses are like that. I wonder how long it’ll take him to get used to that.

Items: ***1/2
Just as you may think that I’m completely against this game, what may surprise you a lot is that I like the way FLUDD works. I like the nozzles, I like the things they do, and I enjoy playing around with it. In fact, most of the problems in this game come from two things: so-called “secret levels”, which force you to be without FLUDD the first time around, and places where FLUDD can’t help you enough and/or it’s easy to run out of water (the aforementioned Ricco Harbor, Episode 3 comes to mind). So, contrary to what I said before getting this game, I like FLUDD. It’s when FLUDD is not able to be used and/or relatively useless when all the troubles begin.

CPF gets the score JUST right here. Most Sunshine haters strongly dislike FLUDD, but CPF, surprisingly, has realized the large amount of gameplay depth that FLUDD adds.

Outdoor Levels: ***

I don’t see why he’s even dividing outdoor levels and secret levels, but let’s hear what he has to say.

The score here is again good. Let me first say what is good about the outdoor levels. First of all, there are
quite a few good ones, like many outdoor ones in Bianco Hills. I enjoyed some of the ones in Pinna Park
as well (very fun ones, in fact). Some of these early outdoor levels are very fun, and they will give you a
lot of enjoyment.
However, there are some very hard ones like the one in Ricco Harbor I keep complaining about, Episode 3. I
don’t enjoy the first one in Noki Bay, as well as the one in the casino level. These ones are made to be too
hard, and they take away the fun.

Now, he makes valid points here, but his consensus seems to be that “Hard = Bad” and that’s not always quite true. Plus, just one episode can’t ruin a level, now can it?

Secret Levels: no stars
And then come the so-called “secret levels.”
They’re not really “secret”; you have to beat them to beat the game anyway.

You don’t HAVE to beat them all unless you’re going for 100% completion. It seems like CPF, while playing the game, was just suffocating himself with the things he hated about the game…

These levels are again what ruins this game, and I don’t know why they couldn’t have been made at least a little easier so I wouldn’t feel the way I do about this game.

Hackpth! “Ruins this game”? I can see how they would take a few points off the overall score, but they don’t, by any means, ruin the game. They’re not even that hard; the only one I recall having a VERY hard time with was that one in Pinna Park with all the Yoshi blocks…

Replayability: *
This game is big, and unless you play videogames and do nothing else in life but eat, sleep, and go to school, you’ll play it for a while. That is, of course, if you don’t get frustrated by the extreme difficulty and poor camera, start to hate the game, and then quit like I did.

Hating the game and quitting it is no excuse to give the game one star. There are what, 50 more Shine Sprites to collect after you beat Bowser? Some people DO have the patience and skill to actually get somewhere in this game.

Fun Factor!: no stars
I’m sure we all saw this one coming. Considering how much I now hate this game, I don’t find anything fun in it, even when I win at it. If you have any kind of emotions at all, you’ll find this game extremely frustrating at times, or in my case, at all times.

See how he assumes that his opinion is a fact? The game has quite a few haters, but critics LOVED it. Something that everyone could do well to learn; if you have a controversial opinion, that’s fine, just be careful how you present it to the community.

OVERALL: no stars
This is an ending not even I would have predicted. As much as I disliked Pokémon Gold, not even that game
could rate as low as Super Mario Sunshine does in my mind.

Can we trust this lad? Super Mario Sunshine and Pokemon Gold; both of them are critically acclaimed, yet he deems them some of the worst games ever. Trusting him is your choice entirely, but he’s NOT setting a good image for himself.

That’s right. I hate Super Mario Sunshine more than any other game I’ve ever played.

Excuse me? He’s played tons of games that didn’t have nearly as much content or sophistication as Mario Sunshine; he’s played been incredibly harsh with many games, and yet he puts Super Mario Sunshine among the worst of those games?…Mmmm, yes, perplexing, isn’t it, how people’s taste can vary so much?

So, what else can I say? Can I say, “I hate this game but it’s actually good”? No, I cannot. If I were to do that, then you might as well not listen to my Reviews, because I would then not be telling you the truth. This is maybe the most painful thing to say when it comes to video games, but Super Mario Sunshine is the worst video game I’ve ever played. Say it isn’t so, Nintendo!

And that wraps up his Review.

Allow me to make this clear; CPF didn’t make a bad Review by any means. His Paper Mario Review was bad because he had completely invalid reasons for disliking certain parts of it. He defends his opinions much better here, and while I disagree with those opinions, he’s still entitled to them.

And let me say, I do comprehend his suffering. I underwent a similar experience with The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. I disliked the game because it was extremely hard, but many other people just cocked their heads and asked “How the heck did you find that game hard?”. However, unlike CPF, I actually grew to think the game was…decent. I still thought it was incredibly hard, but it was still kind of good. I wonder if he’s gotten over Sunshine’s difficulty yet…?

_

Interview Coverage

Hi, this is Bandy Andy, your second interview critique! My score is the same as Someone/Anyone’s, but here it is anyway.

0: #@@#!
1: Epic Fail.
2: Terrible.
3: Needs A Ton Of Work
4: Needs Work.
5: Average.
6: Good.
7: Very Good.
8: Great!
9: Awesome!
10: The Best.

Without further ado, let’s begin!

Teela Interviews The Hammer Bros:( By Teela)

Pun: 4/10 (Needs Work)

This wasn’t too bad, but is not great by any means. I did not laugh at all. I Smiled a bit, but I thought the best part was the end. An interview should be funny and serious at the same time. This one was not very funny.

Questions: 6/10 (Good)

I thought the questions were pretty creative. They did not have much of a chance for funny answers, but they were pretty original.

T.A.F: 5/10 ( Average)

This could have been a lot better. These characters are not very well known, which isn’t always bad because it makes people want to get up and research that character/ person. It wasn’t funny, but there were some decent answers.

Total Score: 4/10 (Needs Work)

Teela, I think you could do a lot better with this. Don’t take it personally;  just a bit funnier, a few better answers.

Amaury Interview’s Bonechill (By Kody)

Pun: 6/10 (Good)

This was pretty funny. I liked the part where Kody kept having stuff dropped on his head until he lost his vision for a bit. I also liked the freezing theme. The Gloomtail Being A Super god didn’t impress me. I see too much of that as is.

Questions: 7/10 (Very Good)

I thought the questions were very creative. I also liked the fact that Bonechill Had sort of a stuck-up/ I don’t care Personality. He wasn’t Your average Boring, normal personality like so many people make characters.

T.A.F: 7/10 (Very Good)

This had great questions, but how did Gloomtail die? And also, Gloomtail needs to have a better personality.

Overall: 7/10(Very Good)

This was one of the best interviews I’ve seen from you in a while, Kody. You had Funny question’s, Good recurring themes, and Funny answers. Great Job Kody.

Boosly The Boo And Lord Crump Interview Iggy: (By Jalvo The Slime and zz1666)

Pun: 9/10 ( Awesome!)

Absolutely hilarious! Lord Crump being an idiot, well that’s a stereotype, but everything else was hilarious. Boosly had a great personality. Also, your answers are hilarious! And I think I set the world record for most Hilarious words in one critique.

Questions: 7/10 (Very Good)

The questions were pretty original. The best part, well most of the questions were very good. I think all of them had a potently good chance for hilarious answers.

T.A.F: 8/10 ( Great!)

This was hilarious! Iggy being a crybaby,that’s something new. Also, Lord Crump’s idiocy was actually funny this time (not saying that your other interview are not funny zz).

Overall: 8/10 ( Great!)

This had great questions, a funny Lord Crump, And a great new Iggy personality. Great job, Jalvo The Slime and zz1666!

But for now, this your Interview critique 2.0 Signing off!

This week, this is my first time doing a spotlight on… well, anything really. And because the blog hasn’t been updated most recently, I will be reviewing three Fun Fiction stories, one for each during the past three weeks. One from June 20, one from June 27, and one from July 4. Who’s story will be given the spotlight?

In my reviews, I pick the one I liked the best, and go over it, pointing out the good, and of course the bad. (What would a review be without criticism?) If there are no Fun Fiction stories to choose from, then there will obviously be nothing to be on the Spotlight.

June 20′th

Looking back at the June 20′th update, there were more updates to stories then new ones. There were stories such as Super Mario Bros: Trapped in a Perilous Pit added into Lemmy’s Land. Obviously this cannot be in the Spotlight because the “author” submitted the whole book, and had not written the story. There was also quite a few that were quickly off the list, for being in a… *ahem* script format. There was not a whole lot that caught my interest, most of them script formatted; some of them that barely got my attention or interest.

Stories such as Wendy’s in Danger I didn’t want to do. It didn’t catch my interest. I’m not into a random mysterious murdering-stranger on the verge of killing everyone in sight while wearing a hockey mask and wielding a chainsaw. Mario’s Snowboard Saga was a runner up, but I couldn’t take the random battles and level ups that came out of no where, along with said RPG battles used for a story for Fan Fiction’s like this. Of course, the name , Snowboard Saga, kinda gave the genre of the story. (RPG)

There was only one other story that sparked any interest into my thoughts. Crystlefall. Written by Skormorak, who I believe has recently joined fairly recently.

Chapter One: Devious Intent

The Colonel

The story begin’s of a Koopatrol, who is running late to Bowser’s throne room. This is done in a first person perspective, where the author/character tells what he/she is going on from their view. So, this Koopatrol runs as fast as he can to get to Bowser’s Throne room before meeting consequences with the head honcho himself. This Koopatrol has a few problems before getting to the throne room, but thankfully makes it in time.

I like how it shows this Koopatrol, being one of Bowser’s many minions, quivering in fear of Bowser. So this Koopatrol manages to make it in time. The Koopalings,and other minions are still waiting for Bowser himself to arrive.

Ludwig brings an invention that will try to defeat those famous plumbers, Mario and Luigi. Which brings us to the point that it’s a meeting to try and stop the Mario Bros., and thus we do not know if the Koopa’s will once again fail, or finally have sweet victory. Then comes along the Koopa King, with a statue of an idol.

Once again bringing the mysterious “DAD”  into the Fun Fiction stories again. This was the part that got me a bit uncomfortable, since it reminds me of one of those cult groups, talking about the lord, and all that other religion stuff. But I guess the people in the stories of Lemmy’s Land have to have some sort of religion, right?

So Bowser explains to the people that the time has come to try and take over the Mushroom Kingdom, just as their ancestors took over Dark Land, and after so many years of defeat at the hands of  the Mushroomers they deem it necesarry. This is a perfect example of the continuation of the war between the Koopa’s and the Mushroomer’s.

The story continues on; it gets to the main plot of the story, the Shard of Order. It gives two large paragraphs explaining what it is, and what it’s about. To give a short summery about what it is, it’s a Shard/Crystal that allows you to put your thoughts into power. And after that, another two long… and large paragraphs explaining more about what it does. I think the writer needs to cut down the limit for the paragraphs, and leave out some of the details. Sometimes having large paragraphs can make readers lose interest.

We finally know the name of this character; Colonel. I was disappointed a bit that I didn’t get to know what his name was until halfway into the story.

Anyways, Colonel is given a letter by Bowser to pass along to three top-notch assassins; Blade, Ripper, and the leader, Maelstrom. My guess of them: Blade being a knife/swords blade, and Ripper being “Jack” the Ripper.

As Colonel leaves, he “overhears” the three assassins talking about the letter. It mentions all of Bowser’s troops will go on a killing spree, taking the lives of every man, women, and child, as tomorrow is the day Bowser wil try to take over Plit… talk about barbaric. Colonel has a life changing thought and wants to prevent Bowser from taking over the world.

However… life isn’t all that good, as Colonel gets caught by the big brute himself. The Koopatrol decides to run for it. Does he make it out alive? I can’t tell you that, it’ll spoil it. Let’s just say, there’s a “To Be Continued” sign at the end of the story. It leaves the reader to wonder if the Koopa Troops will finally have their revenge on the Mushroom Kingdom.

Does this story deserve the Spotlight? You bet it does. Why? It’s not only a half-decent story, but shows the troubling and quivering of the minions that go on with Bowser. Besides the gruesome thoughts and images of knives and death, it’s a good story, which deserves a place in Spotlight. Just be careful with long paragraphs, and you’ll be fine.

Can’t wait to see more of what happens next! Great job Skormorak!

June 27

Looking into the June 27′th update, I noticed more updates to the stories… and only a few of them were approvable, including more spinoffs of Paper Mario. Paper Wario: Thousand Year Nothing was obviously a spinoff from Paper Mario 2, and I even noticed a Paper Mario 4 in the works. That, and Mario and Wario Galaxy still being continued on. The thing is, they are all once again scripted.

Out of the ordinary, I spotted one of the stories that was odd from the rest. Koopa Bots: Vengeance, written by Cubone. Out of the entire bunch, this was the only one not having Paper Mario or Mario Galaxy spinoffs. I decided to look into this story, and without surprise, I wanted this to be the second Spotlight.

Let’s look into it, shall we?

The story begins with Iggy, who has been locked away in his room for days, a few weeks even, only making a rare appearance to get food. Talk about secretive. The other siblings are complain, either about forcing Iggy to make food for Iggy himself, or arguing until the Koopalings can have a bite to eat. The author also used capital letters for Bowser yelling at the top of his lungs.

Not to mention the three explanation marks, along with the capital letters. Almost looked like the Caps Lock key was on during the time, but it’s another way of yelling. So, Iggy manages to get downstairs and join the family. It appears that Iggy was working on something…

After a small and brief supper, Iggy shows everyone what he’s done that past two weeks…

So, the plan in general: Use this invention to defeat the Mario Bros. Speaking of those plumbers, it goes to the next day, as Peach, Daisy, and a few others all decide to play tennis. Both Mario and Luigi run a little late, and there’s something not right…

The robot, with one of the Koopalings (doesn’t mention who), starts to wreak havoc as it powers up its weapons.

*Fourth wall crashes* Breaking the fourth wall. A slight bit of humor, I guess. So as the story comes to a closing end, before we see the famous “To Be Continued” sign, Mario and Luigi manage to stop the robot before it can do anymore harm. However, the Koopalings have admired the scanning feature from their work. What will happen next?

Does this deserve the Spotlight? It sure does. It’s not as gruesome as Crystalfall, as there’s some slight humor, and a possible continuation. The one thing that could be worked on, are the little bits of description in some parts. So far it’s good, but a bit more on the robot, or who was driving it for that matter… unless it’s a secret, and we’re not supposed to know. I think Cubone deserves a good job on the story so far. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

July 4

Looking for the third, and final lonely Spotlight, for our update to the blog. Who’s story deserves the Spotlight? Without hesitation, I went and easily found the last story I have been looking for. Something different then Koopa Bots, but sorta reminding me of Crystalfall because of it’s first person narration.

Mort du Moi, as I believe it’s “Dead am I” in french. This story was written by Teela Yoshi. The reason I choose this to be the Spotlight was that I found a deep poetic bond with this and the character in the story. Sure, it may not sound all happy, but this is one of those stories some people may get the first time, and may not get it at all, no matter how hard they read it.

Let’s hope I get this right.

“The worms conspire,
the life I had now has expired,
bathed in fire,
to live again is my desire.
Tell my family,
tell my kin,
I won’t be coming home again.”

- “The Swamp Song,” by Sulek

Teela is great for having quotes of authors, or songs, for introductories.

It tells the story of a prisoner, captured and being held against his/her will. The character tries to escape the clutches of these people, but with no avail, and gets thrown into a cave, and into a cage. The story continues, as this person is taken, weakened without food or water, and is taken to their leader.

It turns out that this person was a Koopa, or a Buzzy Beatle. This creature was soon turned into a Mushroomer, loathing the person who turned him/her into a person.

The story concludes with the former Buzzy Beatle turned into a Mushroomer. The person wants to sell a book about its life, and how it was turned into a Toad by force. Of course, there is the strong possibility that no one would believe it, because it would be considered fiction.

Why is this on Spotlight? It tells the story of a creature, taken away from its owner and turned into something it doesn’t want to be, where no one would believe its story. There is not really much to critique this on; some people would wonder what it’s talking about, some wouldn’t. So I congratulate you, Teela, for doing a great job with the story!

And so concludes the first edition of the Fun Fiction Spotlight. Hopefully, there will be even more stories that I can hopefully look at, and consider the title of Spotlight. Who’s story will be next? We’ll find that out next week. So long for now!

~ Extreme Yoshi

It’s a common misconception that in fan fiction, you don’t have to spend as much time working on the characters. After all, everything about them, from their appearance down to their personalities, is provided by the source material. Sometimes, one person gets an original idea about a character, and that becomes popular enough to become fanon. Suddenly every story on the web is using that idea. One way or the other, somebody is copying somebody else, and herein lies the main problem with fan fiction.

Lemmy’s Land submissions are no different. A majority of the stories I’ve critiqued have had the Mario characters personified based entirely on the original games, the cartoon show, or fanon. There are very few stories that break away from the mold and try to do something different, and I can’t really blame anyone for it. When you first join the site, it’s easy to think that you have to be exactly like everyone else in order to fit in. And, let’s face it, why come up with something new when you’ve got a personality for a character right in front of you, ripe for the picking?

Today, I’m taking a short break from critiquing stories in order to address the stereotypes common to Mario characters. I’ll discuss how these stereotypes are portrayed, and in what ways you can play around with them in order to create something original. Hopefully this will provide material for LL goers to use and slowly chip away at the remnants of the old, 2D personalities dominating the site. That’s right, it’s “Ninja-Z’s Guide to LL Stereotypes,” and our subject for today is – the Koopa family.

~~~

Since this is a Koopaling fan site, it’s natural that the Mario baddies would be seen more often than their heroic counterparts. It also explains why the Koopas have the most stereotypes applied to them. Also, there are a quite a few original characters on the site – Clawdia, Susan, etc. – who were original when first created, but through overusage and flat personalities have become bland and monotonous. The good thing is that in almost all cases, these stereotypes can be elaborated upon and fleshed out to create something a lot more unique, but – like writing in general – that requires a conscious effort from the writer if they want to succeed.

Let’s start off with Bowser. The King of the Koopas has gone through many different portrayals in the Marioverse. In the original games, he was the fearsome Big Bad, menacing and without any hints of personality beyond being – well – an evil, princess-kidnapping dragon. By itself, that’s pretty bland, but newer games have turned him into a bit of a bumbling sitcom rival, still one of the villains, but without his former stature. He goofs up, he cracks jokes, he throws hissy fits whenever he loses, and for the games in which this persona is prevalent – the Mario RPG’s – it makes sense.

But it’s not always appropriate for fan fiction. In some cases, writers make Bowser a dope in otherwise serious stories, clashing with the otherwise dramatic atmosphere. Even in the comedic works, the writers misinterpret his ineptitude and make him a full-blown idiot, both in terms of brain and brawn. To some extent, it’s funny, but after a while, you go too far and you have to ask yourself, “How can such a stupid king hold onto his kingdom?”

For humorous submissions, it’s all about finding a middle ground. Look at Mario & Luigi as well as The Thousand Year Door for guidance. By no means is he a full laughing stock. He can still put up a fight, and in his strength you can see why his minions remain loyal, but he’s got enough flaws that it works out in the end. In fact, try something different this time – instead of portraying Bowser as an idiot, try to make him as evil as the original games did. Yes, in comical story as well. Make him the straight man of the bunch. He’s got the brains, he’s got the plan, if everything went right, he’d have the Mushroom Kingdom under his grasp, but through no fault of his own, his minions and the Mario Bros. end up ruining everything he took the time to plan out. Bowser, in a sense, is still the butt of the joke, but this he’s not bringing it upon himself. Just a little something to throw out there.

For the more serious stuff, you can be like War & Reason and make Bowser a competent tyrant and a real menace to the Mushroom Kingdom. When you think about it, that’s the only way it works. Sure, the Mario Brothers always defeat them, but he puts up a good fight, and thus, he never loses badly enough that his men would think of deserting them. Plus, he holds onto his power with an iron fist and probably wins a few wars on the side to make up for his perpetual losses against the Mushroom Kingdom. That’s not to say he doesn’t have a softer side, but when you’re a giant, fire-breathing dragon, there’s not much room for mercy, is there?

For those who believe that Bowser does have a wife, there are many different ways you can handle Clawdia. First off, you can change her name. There’s no official source that says her name is “Clawdia.” That came from an old joke by the Official Nintendo Magazine when asked if Bowser had a wife. It’s okay if you keep it the same, but being an original character, who she is and what she’s like is entirely up to you. There’s nothing holding you back. Make up a personality depending on what you think Bowser’s wife would be like.

However, there’s one thing I have to recommend against. Clawdia is presented in most submissions as your stereotypical, 50’s housewife: making dinner, sweeping the floor, kissing the children on the foreheads as they go out to take over the world. That’s all fine and dandy until you realize that she’s the queen of the Koopa Kingdom. Royalty isn’t in charge of housekeeping. They’ve got servants for that! Just because she’s a woman and a wife doesn’t mean you have to set the feminist movement back another fifty years!

If you look at history, queens can be one of two things. There are those that live in fear of their husbands, having no purpose beyond creating the heir to the throne. There’s no love between them. They’re wed for reproduction, and once that’s done with, the king is free to execute them for whatever reason he wishes. Then there are those who actually have some power. In fact, they might be partially responsible for their husband’s actions, discussing policies with them and guiding things from behind. Either way, you’ve got the foundation for a well-rounded, three-dimensional character, and the possibilities are endless. What if it’s Clawdia that wants to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom, and she’s using Bowser as a figurehead to accomplish this? Perhaps she’s the one who comes from the actual royal lineage, and Bowser married into the family? Once again, the fact that Clawdia’s a fan character makes her a blank slate for you to do whatever you please.

But for those who think of Bowser as single, you can go with that too. Nobody’s forcing you to use Clawdia, and there are plenty of explanations for how he could have had his seven children. He could have adopted them based on their skills. They might be orphans from the villages the Koopa Army has demolished on its march towards the Mushroom Kingdom. Maybe that’s why they all look so different. Either way, you can do a lot of things.

And now for the actual Koopalings. Since it is Lemmy’s land, it makes sense to start with Lemmy. Unsurprisingly, he seems to be the most normal of the bunch, aside from Iggy. Sure, there’s his freeze gun and his knack for rolling around on circus balls, but those didn’t really add anything to his character beyond what the games have established. You don’t get a real sense of who he is, or if there’s any defining characters about him. And no, Lemmy and Iggy sharing lines doesn’t count as characterization. It’s annoying, and the sooner people stop using it, the better.

The funny thing is, we might find the answers in the manuals to the games in which the Koopalings originally appeared, Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World. These two games established Lemmy as a rather lazy Koopaling, cross-eyed and – well – crazy. For the serious fan fiction out there, perhaps that could be your chance to take a shot at the fan fiction equivalent of the Academy Awards by making Lemmy mentally handicapped. Of course, it helps not to make him “full retard” (a la “Simple Jack”), but perhaps with a few screws loose in the head, but still prone to violence and taking over the world. Heck, while we’re at it, let’s make him a Psychopathic Manchild. And don’t get me started on the Freudian implications you could come up with for his obsession with ice.

For the more comedic stuff, it’s up to you how you interpret it. Be original and come up with something completely different. Since most stories portray him as close to Iggy, you could play around with that. Perhaps they’re a comic duo of sorts, like Abbot and Costello. Iggy could be the straight man and Lemmy the comic foil, or vice versa. Have fun with it. He’s as simple as you’ll probably get with the Koopalings.

Iggy is pretty similar to Lemmy, but since he’s mostly portrayed as short and wimpy, like Larry, perhaps you could have a relationship between the two of them as well, bonding over their small stature compared to the other Koopalings, and hence Iggy’s obsession with Giant Land. He secretly wishes he could be taller than he really is.

In the case of comedy, his glasses provide lots of potential for humor. Being the only Koopaling to have eye problems of some kind (If we assume that Roy’s shades are merely for the sake of looking cool), there’s bound to be instances where he loses his glasses and looks for them Velma style. Perhaps he’s the strongest Koopaling of the bunch, but it’s only when he has his glasses on, giving him a rather odd weak point. Those with perverted minds might find comic gold in Iggy’s desire to be ‘bigger’ as well.

And seriously, guys, don’t forget that Iggy was the mad scientist of the bunch originally, not Ludwig. Ludwig’s science streak came with the Mario cartoons, but if you want to break away from that stereotype, put Iggy in control of the devices. That could be a way of making up for his size and eyesight. He’s the one who gives the Koopas their death machines and contraptions, so in that way he’s got some leverage to use.

As for Morton Koopa, Jr. – ugh…perhaps the most stereotyped of Koopalings bar none. It doesn’t help that his stereotypes are also the most annoying of them all. Before I say anything else, no. You may not use the “Wedding cake” gag under any circumstances. Interviews, fan fiction, scribbles, whatever, just STOP! Maybe it was funny when it was first introduced and original, but now even its randomness isn’t humorous. If there’s any stereotype I want to kill the most, it’s Morton’s wedding cake, as well as Toad’s swearing, but that’s something for another article.

Then, of course, there’s Morton’s big mouth. As it’s used now, it’s annoying as heck, but I get the feeling that most people don’t realize how flexible the term “motor mouth” is. He can still talk a lot without having to go through each word and find five or six synonyms for it. Let’s say he’s the most energetic of the Koopalings, and he’s always eager to share his thoughts and suggest an idea to Bowser. It’s just that he doesn’t know where to stop, and instead of having the others slap a piece of tape on his mouth, the others could roll their eyes and gladly interrupt them with their more concise thoughts. He’s not obsessed with talking. It’s just that he doesn’t know how to condense his thoughts into words properly.

It’s also important to take into account his appearance. That star over his eye could be a birthmark, a strangely-shaped scar from a fight, or a tattoo he put himself. For the latter two options, it brings up the possibility of being a tough guy, much like Roy. He’s one of the bigger Koopalings, and he certainly looks tough with his bald, gray head and sharp teeth. But then again, with his tendency to ramble, he’s probably more bark than bite, and only those who know him realize how small a threat he is. To those who see him for the first time, though, well – wouldn’t you pee your pants if you saw Morton hiding in an alleyway? At night? With no one else around? And he looks like he might tear you apart?

But I digress. As for Roy, he’s actually got the muscles to back up his tough guy appearance. He’s muscular and despite his pink head and shell, a punch to the face will show you why nobody messes with him. He always uses force to get his way, but why? Just like any bully in real life, he has his justifications. Being the bald-headed, pink guy of the house, perhaps it’s an effort to satisfy his masculinity. He could always be a misunderstood guy whose position as son to a princess-hungering tyrant leaves him only one means to get attention, and that of course is bullying. It could be a conscious effort to act more like his dad. Whatever the case may be, he’s definitely got the appearance and attitude of a bully. It’s just a matter of avoiding the bland, schoolyard bully stereotype common to Lemmy’s Land, and giving it a hint of realism.

Larry’s stereotype confuses me, because he’s often shown to be the sneaky type that creeps around, Solid Snake-style, spying on all his brothers. Considering he’s the youngest of the bunch, this seems rather counter-intuitive, because as any younger sibling will know, it can be an uphill battle in getting attention. Remember that Larry’s cartoon nickname was “Cheatsy.” For any game he plays with his brothers, he cheats so he can look like the winner, and therefore get bragging rights and some attention thrown on him. He plays dirty, he’s unfair, and hey, who says he can’t be as big-mouthed as Morton? The little kid’s got to be heard, too.

As for his plant obsession, I think it’s taking it a little too far by having Larry worship his plants like they’re some sort of God. He could be a botanist on the side, but that’s a hobby, not a defining character trait. Then again, if you want to be completely original, you can break away from the sly / cheating elements of the original character and make him more kind-hearted, thus justifying his excursions into gardening. It’s up to you, really.

I understand Wendy being a brat – as the only girl of the bunch, it’s understandable that she’d feel special in that regard, but at the same time, maybe she doesn’t feel that way. Maybe being a girl makes her feel inferior, considering that sons in royalty get better treatment and have a shot at becoming king. Sure, she could be queen, but as I said with Clawdia, some queens are nothing more than expendable baby makers. Plus, it must be weird to be surrounded by six brothers, a few of which are quite rowdy and can push you around.

That’s for those inclined towards drama. Gender crises need not apply to comedy stories, and in those cases you can make her a brat. It helps not to be so over-the-top with it, though. Push it to a level where she’s obnoxious, but not mind-gratingly annoying. She can whine, she can use make-up, but for goodness sake, don’t always have her talk in all-caps. Make her a bit of a smart aleck, coy and constantly teasing her brothers. Try out new things while sticking to the same basis, and you can go far.

Lastly, we’ve got the oldest of the Koopalings, Ludwig, destined by default to be the heir to the throne unless something bad were to happen to them. That’s a bit of a scary thought, isn’t it? Being in a position your brothers would die for? It wouldn’t be surprising, if you want to stick away from the chummy attitude most fan fiction writers portray with the Koopalings, if Ludwig had to live in perpetual fear of his brothers and sister killing him. Being in the Koopa Royal Family is all about using force, and that throne could mean a lot to Ludwig’s siblings.

If we take that to be the case, then it makes sense that Ludwig would be a secluded, crazed composer. He has to stay away from his siblings to avoid being stabbed in the back, and while alone, he develops a penchant for music. If you’re not willing to make Ludwig a loner, you could make him closer to the way Karma portrayed him, which so far I believe is the best characterization on Lemmy’s Land yet: the heir to the throne who’d rather sit down with his science books and not concern himself with his father’s business, though he tries to act tough when he thinks it’s necessary.

Oh, and people? Drop the accent. You can mention in a story that he has a “Pipe Land” accent or whatever the Mario equivalent of Germany would be, and leave it at that. Enough with the ‘z’s’ and ‘v’s,’ please.

Since I’ve rambled on long enough as it is, I’ll talk about the remaining members of the family together: Bowser Jr., Karma A. Koopa, and Susan B. Koopa. By no means are you obligated to use these characters, and in the case of Susan and Jr., it might be a good idea not to use her at all, but for those who like those characters, there are ways to use them effectively. Considering that Junior looks more like his father than the Koopalings, he could be Bowser’s only legitimate child with Clawdia. Imagine the tension that would spark with the other Koopalings. For Susan, drop the idea that she’s Wart’s daughter, since Wart is not related to the Koopas in any way, and just make her a cousin to the Royal Koopa Family. That way, she’s still an outsider, and she has some justification for being mean and evil to the Koopalings, but the logic behind it isn’t so wonky. And on top of that, try to distinguish her from Wendy, because as it is, she’s nothing but a more evil version of her.

As for Karma, she’s different in that it’s hard to play around with her character, at least personality-wise, since it was all laid out in Love is Acceptance and the other Karma stories. A lot of people mess this up because they portray Karma as a bloodthirsty, abusive girlfriend, when in reality she’s more sarcastic, willing to use force when pushed, but otherwise apathetic towards her whole situation in order to hide the pain deep inside. Where you do have liberties to branch out is in terms of exploring her past, back when she lived on Cookie Mountain? What was life like there? Were there any defining experiences? That’s up to you.

~~~

I’m going to wrap this up quickly, but this is the first in a series of articles that will explore the personalities behind various Mario characters. I’ll probably put them up in between my regular critiques as a little something on the side to look at. Hopefully, you enjoyed this divergence from the usual, and perhaps it’ll help you improve your writing, even if only a little.

I’m Ninja-Z, your elliptic critic, and I bid you all, ‘au revoir.’

~NZ~ 

Hey there everybody, and welcome back to the LLS&F. We have a little more than last week, and coming up in a day or two should be Ninja-Z’s critique! We haven’t had a really drawn out work in quite some time, yeah? That’s something else to look forward to then!

But starring in the lime light for this moment in time was listed above! So here’s this week’s update, and we hope you enjoy!

~ART MUSEUM REVIEW~

Kooky Von Koopa, By Ember Koopa:

Ah, the cartoon version of Ludwig von Koopa. Digital art, and very clean.

His pose is good, and the colors are nice. No background, but also no real issue with color outside the lines. Has a refreshing neatness to it, and the text adds some flavor to this picture.

Ember Koopa has made Kooky look like he actually is: absolutely crazy, and that in itself is a nice change.

Good job, Ember Koopa!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1887

Tap-Tap the Red Nose, By Angelette:

A slightly obscure enemy; nice to see a picture about one of these characters. Nicer to see a good one, too!

Which is certainly what this is, despite its lack of a background. The strong lines give a nice effect, and aid in pulling attention to the overall form. The eyes are done correctly, all the drawing is good, and the colors are great.

Not the cleanest of pictures, but it more than makes up for that in it’s great flavor. The spikes are well-done, as are the feet, body and mouth. Best of all to me, however, is its namesake. The nose is very nicely done, especially with the well-placed white on the otherwise red nose.

Lastly, the signature text is good; hooray for handwriting that I can actually read!

Great job, Angelette!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1889

Super Princess Peach, By Pichu:

Despite my great hatred of Princess Toadstool, I have to admit that this is a very good picture.

The logo is nicely done, and the black outline is great, and makes the different lines easier to see and identify.

Her parasol is nicely done, and colored well. Although I cannot see from the correct angle, from the angle it is looks like it is smiling, at least to me.

Peach herself is drawn and colored quite well, and I don’t see anything missing. The coloring throughout this picture is very nice, if not perfectly clean, it instead gives it a nice flavor.

Great job, Pichu!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1890

~ Scribbles, by The Game Prince ~

Hey everyone! It’s TGP reporting for duty.

I’m reviewing Super Mario World bloopers by Electribro..
First of all, this story is in scrip format. The creative thing is someone took that a step farther and put the Super Mario World game in a spot where it was actually a movie in production. And this is behind the scenes. The only complaint I have for the format would be that the author has excessive emoticon usage.

Honestly, that sounds more like something from LLF than something from a Mario game, to me. But it’s a minor issue. The scenes are pretty short and they don’t have a lot of notable humor, but they do have their nostalgia from Super Mario World and the good thoughts of what would happen if, say, a Power-Up went awry.

Mario and Yoshi fall, destroying Butter Bridge on their way down. When they splash into Soda Lake they cause a tsunami. The wave reduces Vanilla Dome and the mountains to little rocks, blows up all trees in Forest of Illusion and cracks it in half, wakes up an extinct volcano in Donut Plains that destroys all wildlife, turns the lake into a lava lake, and cracks Donut Plains in four. The wave also causes Kappa Mountain to fall down, destroying Yoshi’s Island, and Chocolate Island gets chocolate flooded.

… They probably needed a new set for that. But that was very creative of the author, I believe. I certainly couldn’t have thought of such a domino effect coming from a bad Power-Up.

Mario also gets overly angry about things in the game; a lot of things happen to him in RPGs and he doesn’t even get that mad. So I’d be careful to keep character traits on the easy side. But Yoshi’s traits seem to be fine here.

Only other complaint: The ending is sorta… Well, random. Look at it this way: After all the mishaps, they have a party and Luigi eats yoshi. The end. What??? I’ve never been good at endings, but… That’s a tad random, even for a scribble.

RATINGS:
HUMOR: 5/10 (Not much promise there, but if you find thinking of how things could go bad in the development of a videogame with the characters involved, you’ll find yourself laughing on the inside.)
FORMAT: 7/10 (It’s very original, however I knocked off points for the internet meme usage being so high.)
CREATIVITY: 9/10 (This is quite fantastic. Very creative and original of the author to have made script format into an actual script, and instead of what was supposed to happen being written in the script- it’s what accidentally happened. High score!)
OVERALL: 22/30 or 11/15

IMPROVEMENT: To recover 8 points, the author can remove a few emoticons and add some more humorous things to the scenes. Other than that, a very good job.

Now, part two. I’ll reviewing The Food Hunt by Fireball. At the point I’m writing, I haven’t read it yet but I’m sure a Fireball title will satisfy me.

Okay. So the story starts when Toad has to go get food for the princess. And of course, he needs to go do that with an idiotic Mario. Right away I can say that if it weren’t Fireball’s greatest trademark, it’s not a good idea to meddle with a very popular character’s personality. But of course, he makes it funny.

Mario, as always, complicates a rather easy task. To get a hot dog, he decided to go to the Glitz Pit instead of just cooking one. Here’s a scene:

Mario complicates even a simple task like riding a boat! Well, for Toad at least. I’d hate to be a fungus these days… Now what else Fireball is doing is making fun of events that happened in the game. This is the BEST way to earn laughs, as I before while reviewing zz166′s work.

And those are all the scenes I will reveal due to spoilers. Read it yourself; it’s worth it. Let’s just say Mario did have money all along and it doesn’t end up good for toad. There’s also a reference to a previous scribble and it turns out Peach wanted TWO hot dogs when they got back. One can only guess… deja vu…?

RATINGS:
HUMOR: 6/10 (Not as funny as Fireball’s previous ones, but the few references in it are funny.)
FORMAT: 5/10 (Dumb Mario, out of the question for me. However Fireball mastered the art of making it his trademark.)
CREATIVITY: 9/10 (I couldn’t have thought of an adventure like that the way Fireball made it. Good job dude!)
OVERALL: 20/30 or 2/3

IMPROVEMENT: To recover 10 points, the author can add more videogame references to it and less of Mario being idiotic unless in a reference.

~ Interviews by Someone/Anyone ~

HI! I’m here, bla bla bla, let’s start with the interviews of this week…Again three? What is happening to all the creative minds out there?

KINGFIN interviews DRY BONES by 1-Up Boo

Q&A: 7/10 (Very Good) Most of your answers were imaginative, but there were not any questions that I haven’t seen in other interviews about Dry Bones. Except maybe that thing about the life in the desert, but otherwise, no.

Pun: 6/10 (Good) Well, it made me smile…But they could still be better.

TAF: 6/10 (Good) Not bad, not bad. It is enjoyable and you can feel the atmosphere of the interview, but the end wasn’t the best thing in it…it needs improving.

OVERALL: 6/10 (good) Good job 1-Up Boo. Continue interviewing.

LORD CRUMP AND KODY interviews FLAVIO by zz1666 and Kody.

Q&A: 8/10 (Remarkably Good) Excellent answers. Especially that one that said Flavio’s ancestors hated Cortez. That was one of the best answers here.

Pun: 8/10 (Remarkably Good) It was funny how Kody and you made good jokes about the greedy Flavio. Keep this up!

TAF: 10/10 (AWESOME) IT IS AWESOME. PERIOD. Seriously, almost everything in it was perfect. I’m speechless about it.

OVERALL: 8/10 (Remarkably Good) It is definitively my choice for the award of this week. I want more. Excellent interview zz and Kody.

KODY AND AMAURY tinreviews UNDERCHOMP by Kody

Q&A: 7/10 (Very Good) The questions weren’t the most amazing thing in the world, but the answers were very good. You have some interesting ones about the Underchomp.

Pun: 5/10 (Average) Not so funny, but at least it is not lame.It has an average “funniness” level, but one or two jokes here were funny.

TAF: 8/10 (Remarkably Good) I think this is a good interview. It is long, it has a nice atmosphere and the mere fact that Tutankoopa has to translate what the Underchomp says is a nice idea.

OVERALL: 6/10 (Good) It is a good interview. Good work Kody.

That is all for this week. See you later.

Someone/Anyone

~~

Well, that’s all for this week! Check back for a fun fiction critique this coming weekend!

FUN FICTION.

Hey there, Teela here! This has kind have been a rough week. I’m going to have to cover  for a most of my staff, so forgive me if some areas run thin. I will cover a few areas. Bear with me! Next week shall certainly be better, I promise. I realized what gears need to be repaired and a new meaning of “Head Editor.”

But you’re here for the reviews! I’ll do my normal Fun Fiction comment underneath, what will indefinately come in the coming week, Sophie’s review.

This week I’m commenting on “Bowser’s 50 Challenges,” by “Braininajar.” Even in the introduction, I have to admit I did face-palm at the mention of Ibuprofen. Could the writer not have come up with a creative Marioverse pain killer? I don’t know. I didn’t know Bowser and I shared the same pain killer brand… That’s a big no-no in fan fiction; you stay true to the world your in and make it believable.

Though I kept reading, hoping to find something nice to point out.

Then I found it was in script format… and refused to read anymore.

But I’ll give Brain an interesting compliment: The storyline that Bowser blames his *kids* for all their failures. I don’t hear that twist too often, so it would be an interesting plot.

Though I’m here for fiction, not movie scripts.

*Back button* So what else do we have here?

Touched upon the next update of “Ultimate Koopa,” but I didn’t find much. Better than some of the others, which were in complete script format, and if I stop being so picky and try and go along with the author, I find I really like it.

When I saw this: Bowser looked displeased. “We can’t see anything, and there’s nothing to hide behind. Let’s head into the ship again before we do anything else,” he said, glaring at Roydwig…, I pulled up the find to make sure the writer hadn’t made such an incredulous mistake.

They did not. This would be an interesting character indeed, perhaps, I thought to myself.

The entire plot seems to be– mind you I’m glancing through this– centered on the koopalings getting a hold of Mario, with aid of their father. Alright, decent enough! It’s an alright fan fiction. Some of the dialogue and conventions are… eeeh, not so good, but overall, I’d say it does most of the basics as a fan fiction should. *Stamps* Approved.

There was one other good work, but I want to see how it progresses before I give it any praise or comments.

Alright, moving on!

I saw one new scribble and thought that it wouldn’t be too much if I gave it a read.

SCRIBBLE.

Lemmy Koopa meets Youtube Ganon

You know, I really don’t critique scribbles like I do fun fiction. I base it on my reaction to the writing, script or otherwise, and ignore most of the annoying conventions used.

Premise? Lemmy wants more views for his site, and Ganon (Yes, from Zelda) appears to get him to make a youtube advertisement. Lemmy refuses and tries to do all that he can to get rid of Ganon.

This one really didn’t make me laugh much, but I definately thought it was original that the author based it on youtube and stuff found upon that video megaland.

I mean, it’s alright. Not the type that makes you laugh out loud, but if you have time, I could recommend reading it. It’s original, for a scribble, I think. I haven’t seen too many others like it.

That’s really the only thing that stuck out.  I always find those types of endings to be amusing, for some reason, but I won’t spoil it for those of you who want to read it.

Decent.

Next section, however!

ART REVIEW. THANKS BOOSTER!!

From last week,

Tubba Blubba and Boo: Good Friends, by Super Lemmy 959:

The title of this picture immediately conjures up a sweet and serene scene between these two old enemies.

The actual picture, however, has Boo up and apparently riding or just lounging on Tubba Blubba, who looks more angry than loving. Not that there’s much anger there, but it’s the only emotion I get a hint of from him, whereas the Boo looks happier.

Boo looks mostly correct, although it looks like Boo has one fang out. Super Lemmy 959′s coloring of Tubba Blubba is decent, although there are many occasions where he colored outside the line, or in the wrong one slightly. The orange looks slightly dull to me, but I do like the blue used.

Good, but it could’ve used a bit more fixing before submitting it.

Fair work, Super Lemmy 959.

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1883

Continued by Teela~

I found some more from this week.

“Here Comes Mr. L!,” by Angelette.

This picture looks like it has been compressed and the file was altered from its original form; generally that’s the only cause for waves and alterations in color as such.

Otherwise, I really like the colors and even the music that was chosen to go with this piece. All the characters are recognizable and its story is cute.

Luigi has an identity crisis, hehehe. Neat-O, Angelette.

“Koopa Kids 2009″, by Latisha Banks.

Very cute. I like the congealed style they’re in, and the balloons up top. This is well colored and worth a few seconds of your time, as it’s really cute and I like the color chosen for the background.

Awesomeness, Latisha.

“Brighton & Twila,” by Angelette.

There are a few miscellaneous specks on the picture, and I think it would have looked cooler if the colors were darkened and the outline perhaps done with an inking pen or a darker, thin marker of sorts, but that’s just advice from an artist whose work you haven’t seen too much of.

Otherwise, they’re drawn well, and I like the lettering style. Try to stay inside the lines too, though.

Overall, cute, Angelette! There’s room for improvement, but this is cute.

Alright then, that’s all for this week. Forgive me for not covering some of the other sections, but sadly I did not feel I could adequately critique them, and even reaching for scribbles was pushing it.

I hope you appreciated the reviews nonetheless, and to see you next week, when things will be better!

Thanks again, to Booster!

~ Teela

Written by Mario Fan, better known to some as Ryanoshi, Of War and Reason is intimidating before you even read it. For starters, the title sounds a bit like War and Peace, and suddenly you get the image of a 1,400 page epic where Mario and Luigi come to grips with the unpredictable power of history. It’s also on Little Lemmy’s Land, which means that someone must have read it and thought highly of it (Though, as Luigi’s Mission for Love shows, quality isn’t always a prerequisite on LLL). The scroll bar is, indeed, a speck on each page, and even after nine pages, it’s still unfinished.

Knowing all that, it’s easy to just pat Ryanoshi on the back for putting the effort into writing such a long story and move on to a shorter work, but I’m not one to back down from such a challenge. I’m afraid I don’t have the time or the number of people to tackle the entire work in one week, but to see if Of War and Reason is more deserving of LLL than, say, Bowser Goes Back to School, I’m going to read the first chapter and graze over the rest before passing judgment. Remember: just because something is long doesn’t mean it’s automatically good. That’s what I’m here to find out. Join me in this war to find a reason for Of War and Reason‘s prestige, and hopefully we’ll make it out alive.

~~~

Chapter One: Only Illusions

The wide summer sun flared angry heat wisps and descended into a deep orange of red as its lower body slowly sunk beneath the endless stretch of tree line to the west. Easterly stars winked into existence, twinkling bodies of boiling gasses burning millions of gallons of highly flammable, natural fuel. Others had already reached their limit thousands of years ago, burnt out, but still shedding light halfway across the galaxy. As the ebony sky was set alight by hundreds upon hundreds of additional celestial bodies and reflections from the system’s sun on moons, the synthetic cities below flamed their own fires of electricity, dotting the planet like innumerable fireflies skittering and chirping against a backless void. And so the end of another long and eventful day on Plit came to a wondrous end.

…daaaaamn.

Right away, before we’re even introduced to the characters or conflict, we get the most detailed description of space you’ll see outside a science report or Star Trek. Some might wonder what purpose a purple prose-ridden explanation of the night sky has to do with Mario and Luigi, and I’d have to agree. I didn’t really get a good look at the later chapters, but the theme of space and stars has nothing to do with the storyline. Maybe that’s because there doesn’t seem to be any coherent plot in the first place, but more on that in a second. The first paragraph, though it has pretty language, is designed only to make the story look more epic than it really is.

And it doesn’t stop there. The first chapter is chock full of unnecessary descriptors that can be shortened down to something not only more concise, but clearer to the reader as well. For example, as we’re brought back down to Plit after Ryanoshi’s celestial musing, Mario and Luigi are playing tennis while Princess Peach watches them in the dim glow of the artificial lighting. A simple image to imagine, right? But that’s not good enough for Ryanoshi. Instead of artificial lighting, you’ve got “electronic light sensors embedded deep within the complex control chips.” The rackets, as the story specifies, are fashioned from “tightly stretched, crisscrossed plastic wires,” and Princess Peach is a “lithe woman with cascading, golden hair that rose up in full tufts at intervals.” It’s as if the author doesn’t trust us to imagine the scenery, so he has to stress every detail down to the molecule.

Is that good writing? No! Description is always good in a story, but when you paint every scene as if it’s our first time seeing it – step back. I like to think that detailed passages are the zoom in of the literature world, when you want to stress a specific detail. You wouldn’t want to watch a movie where every object, important or not, is smack-dab in front of the camera. Part of good storytelling is handpicking the right details and images to convey a point. In a story, no sentence is wasted, and Ryanoshi is content to waste dozens of adjectives and nouns that can be taken out or revised to get across the same image in fewer words.

But hey, maybe the dialogue isn’t as bad as the description. After all, everybody talks, and Ryanoshi should know what dialogue sounds natural and what sounds awkward. For all we know, we could have a few winning lines thrown into the mix!

Peach knit her brows and shot a baleful look at the playing field, shaking her head and giving an irritated sigh. “It’s only a game, you two. I wish you wouldn’t be so competitive about a simple tennis match. Somebody’s going to get hurt, and when that happens, I’ll have to employ endless will to stifle a told-you-so laugh.”

…or you could make every character talk like Spock; whatever floats your boat! 

Alright, so Ryanoshi doesn’t really get the hang of natural speech, but what about the story? Tucked away behind all that mechanical dialogue and purple prose, there has to be an interesting story to justify all these passages of imagery. To tell you the truth, for the first half of the chapter, it’s not really clear. The tennis game, like the first paragraph, was intended more to demonstrate Ryanoshi’s awesome vocabulary than to advance the plot, and it takes a while to really know the characters. Mario is just as bland as he is in the games, only he’s a tad bit more verbose, and good old cowardly Luigi has suddenly become a genius. I don’t know where that characterization came from, but Ryanoshi goes out of his way to portray Luigi as an eloquent – well, more eloquent than the rest of them, anyway – chap who mentally solves math equations while playing tennis to predict the projectory of the ball. Pshh, that’s nothing! Michael Jordan can solve a Rubiks Cube while he scores a slam dunk.

“It’s going to rain tomorrow; I can feel it.”

“Since when have you started divining weather patterns?” Mario asked incredulously. “You think you’re Mallow or something?”

“Let’s just call it intuition. That and the fact that those clouds over there are by the book examples of newborn thunderheads. Which reminds me, expect thunder and lightning as well.”

And he can predict the weather better than the five o’clock news. Why don’t you just throw in the fact that he won five Nobel Peace Prizes as well!

As they walk back home from their tennis match, the two brothers talk about the weather, Bowser (a “reptilian rat,” as Mario inexplicably calls him), and quantum theory to pass the time. Oh, and Ryanoshi indulges himself in some more scenery descriptions.

Arching roofs of wide leaves mingled overhead, rustling and making a shivering noise in the gentle breeze. Eastern chills were already beginning to set in for a night of rambunctious play before the mother sun of dawn chased them away. Crickets played their natural violins, orchestrating with the various other tunes of forest creatures to create a magnificent symphony of the woods.

For those wondering, this is what the symphony sounds like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkailb3xcTI&feature=related

The only other exciting thing to happen to the two is that Mario sees a pair of thin, golden eyes peer out of the forest and freaks out for a moment before Luigi brushes it off as an illusion, and they head back to their house to find – dun, dun, duun - the lights are on!

Finally! After paragraphs of endless description and padding out, we get an actual development in the plot! Now we’ll get to find out who’s in their house, what he/she/it/they want(s) of the Mario Brothers, and what this revelation will have in store for them.

But first we’ll spend the rest of the chapter reading about something completely different.

Since that turn of events was far too interesting for Ryanoshi (and there wasn’t enough opportunity to show off his amazing linguistic skills), he takes us to Nimbus Land where Mallow is – well, chilling really. He walks around town for a bit as Ryanoshi rambles on about the way the clouds come together and crap like that before he decides to bask in the hot springs by the Barrel Volcano. There, a black shadow appears, only to hand him a piece of paper with “Mario Brothers” written on it along with several strange symbols. This could only mean one thing – the Mario Brothers are in trouble! So he rushes off, presumably to their house to make sure they’re all right. This would undoubtedly lead him to the scene where the brothers face off with whoever is snooping around their house and find out what the actual plot of the story is.

Flat, dense sheets of stinging precipitation slanted in like hail, rapping against tin, thumping dryly about the arid dirt, and smashing wet clouds of dust from the solid stone face of New Koopa Castle.

Or we could go check on Bowser and company. Ryanoshi’s just looking for new places to describe at this point.

We’re introduced to Bowser, who’s a lot less goofy and oafish than he is in the Mario RPG’s. In the one characterization that really makes sense in this story, he’s a cold, impassive dictator whose kids have abandoned him after countless failures, and whose assistant is growing wary of his unpredictable nature. As a storm rages outside (Rain is the #2 sign of an epic story, next to space and beating out World War II / The Holocaust), Bowser plots his penultimate attack on the Mario Bros. His latest scheme? Separate the Mario Brothers so they’re worthless without one another, which is really no different from all his other plots, considering his only real adversary has been Mario and Mario alone, but let’s give Bowser his little moment to scheme.

And then we have another scene change to show a Koopa guard being decapitated by a tall shadowy figure who swears using the word “Ishkit.” I’ll give Ryanoshi credit for obscuring the s-word by adding an extra ‘i’ and ‘k,’ but that’s where the cleverness ends. Between these two events – Bowser discussing his plan with Kamek and the dark, evil figure marching through the woods with an army of dark, evil figures – Ryanoshi flips, completely forgetting about the earlier plot involving the Mario brothers, all the while flapping his mouth. He gets pretty desperate to, as we get perhaps the most confusing explanation in the entire story – nay – in any story ever written.

If the system’s primary was distressed by the battles that had transpired on the fourth closest of its brood, it revealed nothing to the average viewer. The bright glowing radiance of the unperturbed sun shone across the system, but as its slow crawling sunlight played against the world’s punished surface, more sinister things became visible.

…huh?

Where precious blue, green, and white had once prevailed, ash-gray and a sickly reddish brown now were predominant. Choking smoke chimneyed from immolated cities once home to hundreds of thousands and plumed from tracts of firestormed evergreen forests. Steam billowed off of superheated beds of boiling lakes and shallow seas piled high with festering aquatic carcasses.

Um…what does global warming have to do with Super Mario?

And then the sun winked out, blanketing the strange universe in total darkness before abruptly opening back up, not as a solar body but as a great flame-licked eye, wreathed in torment and anguish. The cornea spat flares of molten lava while the pupils were of the deepest black, sucking all life into its gaping maw. Then without warning everything shifted to red, ruby, and crimson, all colors of blood mixing together and spitting out and bringing in. With an awing, rumbling laugh that silenced all sound, the system imploded.

………..okay. A little overdramatic, but…okay.

And that’s it. After that random, apocalyptic breakdown, we’re brought back to the action as the evil black figure, named Raul, almost kills Kamek and barges into Bowser’s castle to seek a meeting with the King of Koopas himself and – okay, what were those two paragraphs about? You’re not just going to describe an armageddon scenario and then walk along pretending it never happened!

Augh…anyway, the rest of the chapter is Raul telling Bowser his own vaguely evil plan mixed in with philosophical banter that really doesn’t mean anything. Apparently, Raul wants the Mario Brothers to help him…save his…home world or something, and he wants Bowser to know that if he wants to take over the Mushroom Kingdom while Mario and Luigi are gone, he’s free to go, but he also needs Bowser’s help for something. For what, you may ask? I don’t know. I’ve stopped caring at this point.

Raul turned to Bowser one last time before leaving. “I think,” he said, “that this long war’s end is going to occur ahead of schedule.”

The fire in the young man’s eyes demanded an answer, even from the prideful king. “Yes,” he agreed, “I believe you are right.”

~~~

If you expect the rest of the story to explain what the first chapter means, think again. I flipped through each part and browsed through, and it looks like things only get more complicated from there. Each chapter, there seems to be even more characters thrown into the mix. Mario and Luigi are embroiled in an adventure while Mallow ventures forth with Chef Torte – why? I don’t know, because Ryanoshi is friends with the author Chef Torte and wanted to put him in somewhere. Ryanoshi appears as well as several other original characters, and when Super Mario RPG and Paper Mario characters appear alongside, despite both games taking place in different interpretations of the Marioverse, well—let’s just say a bring an extra pair of “WTF?”

So what’s good about Of War and Reason? The descriptions are nice and eloquent, except for that one dive into incomprehension in the ‘system imploding’ passive, but none of the imagery connects to form a single, cohesive story. There’s no style, no voice besides an impassive and impersonal examination of the Mario world, which is a shame. Ryanoshi has an excellent grasp of the English language, and if he can use it to convey images while infusing his voice and style with it, it could turn out amazing. As it is, though, his writing is no different from a scholarly journal entry. Perhaps this is one of his earlier works and he’s improved since – I recall his later works posted on the forums being quite impressive – but Of War and Reason, regardless of its flowery language, is just as undeserving of its spot on LLL as Luigi’s Mission for Love.

Remember, everybody. Writing a good story is not just about describing everything possible and making the story long. It’s about style, diction, and syntax, and translating the Mario universe, a video game-exclusive world, into a literary format. It’ll take work, but through effort you can find that middle ground between laziness and going overboard, and create an endearing story. You just have to distinguish between the good and bad, and know which techniques work, as well as which techniques don’t.

I’m Ninja-Z, your simplistic critic, and I bid you all, ‘au revoir.’

~NZ~

Hey there everybody! Teela and the cast here with your weekly coverage of Lemmy’s Land! Welcome back, and if you’ve just discovered this site, we follow a main site and review the submissions there.

So first, I’m going to give a small word about the decent fan fictions of the week. I discuss this with Sophie, and we bounce off what should be spotlit and what she will get a hold of.  

This week, I found I actually liked “The Worst Enemies,” by Jenna. What hooked me was the update, yes, and I liked how it has a first person narration choice. I went to the beginning and found that it had started off as with a third person narrator and curiously read on.

So the story is a love story; I don’t see too many of those, but what made it all the more interesting is that it explores the relationship between Kammy and Kamella, who both long for Kamek. Kamek, however, likes Kamella. It is a love triangle, clearly, but it is such with realistic dialogue, and great voice management.

The characters all have distinct styles when the writer, Jenna, portrays them; I can tell who is speaking. Normally I cannot appreciate stories that change perspective as often as this one does, but Jenna does it smoothly and with style.

This is very well written– all though it needs some grammar/spelling checks and it would be perfect.

I chose to spotlight this one for the week because it uses some good conventions; it foreshadows, it uses very convincing details, and I could appreciate the balance between dialogue and detail. Also, the plot progresses at a decent pace.

Very well done, Jenna. I would like to see more, and found parts 1-4 very entertaining and felt the conventions used could teach other writers a thing or two, perhaps. Thank you for a decent read.

For a more detailed look at other fan fictions, stay tuned to what Ninja-Z and Sophie have to say about other fan fictions in Lemmy’s Land! This has been Teela’s moment of praise, but more to come over the next few days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moving on, next we will delve into ART MUSEUM COVERAGE WITH BOOSTER! Thanks Booster! There was only one picture this week, so perhaps more of you should submit so we could have more material to take a peek at.

Grid Mario, by The Game Prince:

The two separate parts of the picture give it a nice and very unique feel to it.

The green grid portion is very well done, lists the body parts correctly and the color combination is spectacular.

In the rest of the picture, the floor is interesting, the darts board is a neat addition, Mario and Ludwig both look interesting here and the cords make it seem more real.

Ludwig’s hair is also very well done; I like the shade of blue that was chosen.

Good job, The Game Prince!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1882

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Alright, next up, we have an extremely long review on the reviews this week and a word from our Reviews Reviewer, SGT. FLY! THANKS SGT. FLY FOR THIS!

…Ok, now that I look back at it, those last Review Reviews were very boring. You’d have to take the effort to pull up the bloody Review just to know what I’m talking about. Right, well, that’ll end. I’ve taken a preference to the critique format that Ninja-Z and Sophie have gone with. Surely enough, that will make this Review less dull.

Now, to make this more intresting…Since there are no new Reviews on Lemmy’s Land this week, I’ll review one of the worst pieces of work to plague this section. Surely we all know of Crazy Packers Fan; a Golden Age writer who still lurks here from time to time. He’s certainly put a lot of work in to all the Reviews he’s submitted, but his work is unreasonable and his taste is appaling.

So basically, he’s a bad Reviewer. Let’s take a look at his worst violator of quality, his review of Paper Mario 64, my favorite game on any platform or genre. Whether I’m biased or not, you can’t take this guy seriously during this Review.

Let’s begin…

Graphics: *1/2
I knew coming into this game it would have “paper” graphics. But after playing it, I realized that Nintendo very easily could have made it 3-dimensional.

…It IS 3-dimensional. It’s only the character models and items that are 2D. Obviously enough, he didn’t set his eyes on anything but the word “Paper” in the title screen.

Not only that, but Mario’s, Luigi’s, and Peach’s eyes looked messed-up, and it made Mario not look like… well, Mario.

Pshaw, he’s got his same look as he’s always had, just cuter and more pixelated.

Plus those bushes… as for the good, the good part was Bowser’s Castle and Peach’s Castle. The staircase leading to the Crystal Palace also looked very nice. A little more effort, Nintendo, just a little…

Because the staircase leading to Crystal Palace is so signifigant…It DOES look nice, though.

Sound: 1/2

…See what I mean by “You can’t take this guy seriously”?

I wasn’t very impressed by the music in this game. Sure, it was nice to hear Grass Land and the doomship
music once more, and I liked the music during those “must-win battles” in the boss’s chambers. The Bowser
last battle music stunk.

Already this Review is exposing CPF’s loathsome taste. Bowser’s last battle was a very good composition, and even if he didn’t like the beat, it’s a very atmospheric tune.
It was the worst music I have heard in a Mario game since earlier in the game at Forever Forest,

It certainly isn’t one of the better songs in the soundtrack, but jeeze, it isn’t THAT bad. And calling it the worst music in a HUGE series is just over-exaggeration. Perhaps he doesn’t rememer Dark Land from Super Mario Bros. 3, or or the title theme from Yoshi’s Story.

which was the worst music I had heard in a Mario game since Jr. Troopa’s music.

If he’s referring to Jr. Troopa’s overworld theme, he’s very wrong. If he’s referring o the battle music, I can’t blame him too much.

As for sound? The best part was that final Sound FX badge with Yoshi’s noise that he makes.

I’m more of an Attack FX A fan myself. The best part of a soundtrack just can’t be a sound that a novelty badge makes, though.

Aside from that, there wasn’t much good stuff to say here.

Because you missed the “good stuff” entirely. I could name dozens of Paper Mario 64 songs that tons of people love. This section was awful, but it’s only the 2nd worst section he wrote…

Difficulty: **1/2

I…can’t complain much here. This is one of the few correct scores he gave.

How can I put it… when you use a strategy guide

The game’s very easy, I have no clue why someone would want to actively use a strategy guide.

you know what you’re supposed to do, but then you do that
too well, to the point in which it’s a cinch to win

…Right, well, just because you have a strategy guide doesn’t mean you have to follow it’s instructions everywhere you go. It’s mostly just to glance at when you get stuck for a long time.

The final battle with Bowser was easier than a battle with a Spike Top.

Poor attempt at exaggerative sarcasm. I’m not laughing.

(You may have seen this in my Spike Top Interview.) If I didn’t have that strategy guide, I’d probably still be lost in Dry Dry Desert

Still be lost in Dry Dry Desert– For crying out loud, just go east a few times and you’re at the Outpost.

(why not Desert Land?)

Because that would be tacky and unoriginal? This is a consistent complaint of CPF’s that I’ll over later in his Review.

but then everything seems so easy. The
trouble was, strategy guide or no strategy guide, sometimes it was too easy and never too hard. The final Bowser battle, for example, took about eight turns to finish him off, thanks to a Mega Smash badge and Bombette.

The final Bowser battle wasn’t much easier than most of the battles in the game. He CAN recover 20 HP when he’s in trouble, sometimes he’s done that to a point where he restored ALL his HP. I’ve seen easier final bosses.

The hardest thing in this game for me was jumping over those formerly invisible blocks in Toad Town Tunnels to get to the Shiver City warp pipe.

Provided he’s not still stumbling aimlessly through Dry Dry Desert, then I suppose that was slightly difficult.

Characters: **1/2
Well, the Koopalings didn’t make it, everyone.

What made you think they would? Would you rather have 7 uncreative, recycled bosses in a row rather than new, original ones?

Everyone who thought they would be in it, that is. In a bit I’ll explain why they would have been absolutely perfect… Mario: Who else? Same with Peach and Bowser. The instruction manual lied again.

…When did it lie in the first place?

Luigi was supposed to play a part in this one. Nope. For all of you who like the “Plumbus Wettus” over the “Moron”,

Ugh. Overused Lemmy’s Land memes. Were those still even remotely funny back then…?

go get Luigi’s Mansion. I loved the return of Super Mario Bros. characters: Koopa Troopa, Goomba, Hammer Brother, Bullet Bill, Blooper, Cheep Cheep, and the Fire Bars! (There’s more, too.) The party characters were fine, but I really wasn’t that fond of Parakarry or Sushie. Goombario proved pointless after I got a Peekaboo badge,

He’s doing fine here, but then…

and Watt wasn’t one of my favorites either.

I see Watt as the best partner in the series. Her defense-piercing shocks make her incredible useful.

Of course, I loved Bombette. Jr. Troopa: Please. Anyone but that imbecile!

You guys will just sacrifice ANYONE to get the Koopalings back, now won’t you?

The boss characters: Ugh. Crystal King and Huff N. Puff?

What ABOUT Crystal King and Huff N. Puff? They were some of the best, most challenging bosses in the game.

Gameplay: ****
Okay, so there had to be a four-star effort. Of course there had to be! Gameplay is a strong category for
Mario games

So you’re not even going to bother describing the most important element in any video game? Well, you got the rating just about right, I’ll give you that…

and so is…
Controls: ****
Every button (save for maybe L) had a use. That’s very good button-using.

Notice how the sections that he actually gave fair ratings are also very short.

Opening Scene: no stars
You may not believe this, but I was getting pretty desperate when I saw Mario get beat with no contest at all. Maybe not desperate. How about angry and stark raving mad?!

I wonder if Crazy Packers Fan has a therapist in his area…

Put it this way: they couldn’t have picked a worse way to start a game.

Yeah, instead of making a very unique and unexpected beginning, they should’ve just made it so Bowser grabs the Princess and runs off…with the Koopalings’ help, that is!

And Peach just watches it happen…

Do you expect her to get out a sword and slash the daylights out of Bowser? A demonic turtle isn’t exactly the kind of person that a fragile Princess would want to randomly assault.

Goomba Village: **
This was the first taste of this game. Not bad, but it took a long time to get going. Once it did, there were
some battles, and then a couple of cinchy half-bosses in the Goomba Bros. as well as the Goomba King
himself. Jr. Troopa? Piece of cake. At least the game kind of redeemed itself here…

…A bit harsh, but better than most sections in this Review.

Toad Town: ***
Good. That’s what three stars mean, but especially what Toad Town was like. A refreshing place to relax
after you do all that hard work in the other lands. Toad Town had everything, including the biggest
collection of name puns (Minh T., Russ T., Tayce T., etc.) in a game ever. A lot of action happened here.

Yeah, it’s a cool place. But Mario running around and talking to various NPCs isn’t exactly “action”.

Shooting Star Summit: no stars

Aww, he was doing good with these location evaluations until now…

You don’t know how much I hated this. If you’ve played other games, this could be described as a “cinema scene”. Link’s games (which I have only seen, not played) have comparable scenes that last about half an hour about spirits.

Baaah, stories about the Goddesses or the Triforce or Majora aren’t THAT boring. Sheesh, people and their impatience with cutscenes these days…

Same thing here. Who cares about the Stupid Star Spirits? I just want to beat Bowser! This was boring. To say the least.

Here’s the thing…You need to actually GET the Star Spirits to beat up Bowser. It was pretty cool place with great atmosphere. CPF was way too harsh here.

Toad Town Tunnels: ***1/2
This place could have also been known as Pipe Land. It was a great place to fool around and battle Bloopers, if you enjoy to battle them. You can find a powered-up jump down here. In fact, this is a kind of warp zone. It was actually very fun fooling around down here.

Now he’s being a bit too generous. The Tunnels are convinient for getting around, but I personally never found them as fooling grounds.

Koopa Village: **1/2
Here come the Fuzzies! Those annoying creatures make their Paper Mario debut here, and having to play their annoying games to win back Kooper’s shell was a pain. Of course, Koopa Koot can give you lots of Star Pieces here, and sometimes coins. Then again, what are the Star Pieces used for? (To be answered later…)

Agreeable. It WAS kinda of a boring place.

Koopa Bros. Fortress: ***
This was a fun boss’s level.

It’s really one of the more eyelid-dropping dungeons in the game. It’s just a castle; pretty unoriginal.

This made Paper Mario fun, enjoyable, and exciting for the first time for me. After all, you’ve got that doomship music here. In fact, it’s probably the best music in this game!

The lad never listened to the title theme before….Or Crystal Palace. Nor did he listen to the credits theme, General Guy’s March, Tubba Blubba’s theme, and a lot of other. It is now confirmed that Crazy Packers Fan played Paper Mario with his sound off.

This could have been a castle to Grass Land, a perfect place to put Larry.

No, he isn’t going to shut up about how the Koopalings would be SO PERFECT for the game…

But… The first battle with a boss is not that hard. Oh, and did anyone notice how dumb Bob-ombs are?

Uncalled for.

Dry Dry Desert: **
There’s an oasis and a Sound FX Badge. That’s all I can remember.

Nothing worth saying here except that a 2 and a half stars would’ve been more fitting.

Dry Dry Outpost: *
Sheek… there’s a loser! Give him a million items, and he’ll let you know that he’s Moustafa!

Dried Pasta…Dusty Hammer….Dried Pasta? Something like that. Apparently CPF never learned that secret shop code.

So what? But you must get that Pulse Stone to put in the hole. That’s what all that junk is about.

It’s just a simple puzzle, don’t get so steamed up over it.

Forever Forest: 1/2
I can sum up Forever Forest in six letters: BORING.

I can sum up Forever Forest in 72 letters: It’s a fairly decent place, abeit a little repetitive. You’re not easily amused, are you, now?

Peach Scenes: *1/2
These were mostly boring. Making that cake for Gourmet Guy was fun, but I really should have tried messing up the cake and seeing what happened. When reading Bowser’s diary, no matter what you choose, you’ll
still read the same stuff. I saw this by playing a second file. The Quiz was fun, but nonetheless simple considering I had the answers at my fingertips. Some of the sneaky things you had to do were pretty hard, which made it harder than actually beating enemies.

Please…The Peach scenes were great fun, and far superior to The Thousand-Year Door’s Peach scenes AND Bowser scenes, might I add. Sneaking around the castle gave me a good feeling of tension. At least he knows that the Gourmet Guy scene is fun. No one may deny that.

Final Battle with Bowser: no stars

Hey, wait a minute…Why are you covering all the areas up to the final battle, anyway? You don’t want to spoil this incredible game for anyone, do you?

It’s a piece of cake! If you use items and the Peach Beam at the right times, as well as using Power Badges (especially Mega Smash) and have a ton of Flower Points as well as Heart Points, you can beat Bowser in as few as eight turns. That’s because one Mega Smash can take off twelve points, and then your partner gets a shot. I chose Bombette, in my opinion the best.

Okay, this is STRICTLY his opinion, because I found the final battle too be…hard enough. Bowser turning invincible kept ruining my extremely cheap Super Jump Charge + Power Bounce combo. <.>

Badges: ****
Excellent! The programmers outdid themselves here, giving tons of great Badges to use. If they only gave
more maximum Badge Points…

CPF got it just right here. I, too, was extremely pleased with the great use of Badges, despite all those useless brown-and-yellow colored ones.

Replayability: no stars

CPF’s awful taste is exposed once and for all. I can almost understand his disliking the soundtrack, but this game is oozing with sidequests, and he is a fool not to notice them. Ooooh, he BETTER have a good excuse for this.

Simple. Once you beat the game, you can’t! You can’t go get your First-Degree Card or 160 Star Pieces or
all of the Chain Mail letters or all of Koopa Koot’s favors once you’ve beaten it. It’s over. After weeks
of playing this game, I felt true disappointment after I realized the only way I could go do everything was
to turn around in Peach’s Castle (at the Save Block you last saved at before beating the game) and go all
the way back to try to do it all again.

…I’m getting mixed messages here. He’s saying that once you beat the game, you can’t go back and do all the sidequests. But he still acknowledges the fact that you can escape Bowser’s Castle to do them? Ok then.

Either you do it all before or turn around and do it all. Very poor job here. They should have made it so that you could beat Bowser, but continue on until you collect everything, and then win some kind of reward. Now THAT would have made this game near-perfect!

..I can’t think of any form of criticism here, other than slinging a few harsh insults at CPF. Intelligent Systems wasn’t the one that did awful with replay, it was CPF who did awful with writing about it.

Koopalings: no stars (obviously)

This is something I want to bring up, because I will never get this chance again. Seven bosses, seven lands, seven Star Spirits, seven Koopalings. It was all in place.

Here’s something that CPF really needed to stop whining about. Seven is just a number; that doesn’t mean the Koopalings should instantly be in it.

Iggy: Shy Guy’s Toy Box (opposite of Giant Land, a perfect place where Iggy could act just like General Guy)

…How is Shy Guy’s Toybox the opposite of Giant Land? Even if it was, General Guy is too cool to be replaced by Iggy completely.

Fun Factor!: ***1/2
Most of this game is fun, save for maybe the little boredom here or there with fighting the same enemy or not going anywhere for a while. The slot machines in Shy Guy’s Toy Box, the fun stuff in Toad Town I never did, there’s tons of it! All in a great RPG…

Yes, it’s a great– an Excellent– No, a MASTERFUL RPG, but he was pretty negative in his Review; I’m surprised he’d call this game great.

…Also, how are the slot machines in Shy Guy’s Toybox even remotely fun? They’re just a luck-based game with little reward.

OVERALL: ***
Couldn’t get the perfect rating because of some major weaknesses. But this game is a MUST-HAVE for all Mario fans!

Wow, big change of heart here…Although his Review was very, very poor, his verdict was quite accurate…

You should be able to see that, despite a few bits of good taste, Crazy Packers Fan has presened one of his worst works ever. It’s distasteful, his criticisms are are silly, and the review only raised my eyebrows on how one of Lemmy’s Land’s most well-known writers could’ve wrote one of the worst reviews on it. This review definatley shouldn’t be labeled as a source for recommendations.

THANKS, SGT. FLY FOR THAT IN DEPTH REVIEW!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now we have our SCRIBBL ASSASSIN, THE GAME PRINCE! Thanks, TGP, for this weeks coverage!

“Scribble Assasination” time. I’m The Game Prince, here to review this week’s scribbles. Glad there are some this week!

Today I will review Mario opens a Store by 1-up Boo.

http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1384

Yeah, so here’s the deal. It’s another scribble featuring Mario the Dumb-as-Rocks plumber. Oh joy, knowing me and my favoritism toward the link between media and official media… This isn’t going to be a good review.

If you enjoyed this scribble, disregard this review. But I have to say it has nothing to do with the Marioverse at all. It just so happens someone wrote a story about an imbecile who ate a cardboard box and opened a store where nobody would buy anything and a spider made a home in his head, and plugged in Mario characters. It seriously has nothing to do with Mario at all.

However, if you get over the fact that it’s unexplained like that, it’s got a slightly better humor level than the grade I’d give the formattng of the story. However, there are only a few moments that struck me funny: the moment with Bowser, the short parts with the spider, and a bit of the beginning. It really isn’t anything special; just another generic scribble featuring Mario being an idiot and everyone being annoyed by him. Somewhat like many other scribbles on thn Lemmy’s Land, but waaaaay less funny.

As for creativity, it’s a bit creative that the spider nested in Mario’s head, and that Mario ate a box, but other than that it sounds like something off of Cartoon Network. And that’s not a compliment, sorry.

So… How about the ratings. If you’re reading, 1-up Boo, I’m sorry about the terrible review. I really do wish you would continue scribbling, because the only thing left to do is improve.

RATINGS:

HUMOR: 2/10.

Nothing really memorable, it’s just a few rare moments of wishing you could laugh at that because it is mildly interesting.

FORMAT: 0/10

 Not really anything to do with the Marioverse or Mario in general. Not a good plan if you want something put on a MARIO website. How it got posted, I have no clue.

CREATIVITY: 4/10

This is your best rating. I really don’t see much creativity in this; it’s quite generic for LL, which is quite bad for LL as well. Too bad you couldn’t break LL’s bad record… Instead, you added to it.

OVERALL: 6/30 or 3/15

Not recommended, but it’s worth a shot if you’re bored or need to read SOMETHING, but only if you’ve read many other, better things.

Sorry 1-up Boo; to me that’s not LL’s best material, but please continue! I’m sure your ratings will only improve in time, because after all, practice makes perfect. Work on making it more Plit-ish and add better humor while maintaining the Mario “feel”. And try something original too. That’s how you’ll get a good rating for sure!

That’s it for this week, and this is The Game Prince, signing off~.

]]> http://lemmyslandforum.wordpress.com/2009/06/05/ll-review-5-30-09/feed/ 1 teelamarie http://lemmyslandforum.wordpress.com/2009/05/29/5-23-16-09-llf-coverage/ http://lemmyslandforum.wordpress.com/2009/05/29/5-23-16-09-llf-coverage/#comments Fri, 29 May 2009 22:35:09 +0000 teelamarie http://lemmyslandforum.wordpress.com/?p=260 ]]> Hey there! Teela and the staff (as listed) compiling our coverage of this week’s reviews. Hope you find them useful!

First, the Art Museum Coverage! Thanks to Booster for this!

General Guy, By Super Lemmy 959:

The drawing of this picture is kinda mediocre, but the coloring is nice and I like General Guy’s pose here.

It’s just a simple picture of him, no background, but nonetheless a decent picture, as it’s no problem identifying him even without the title and the colors give a nice effect.

Fair work, Super Lemmy 959.

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1878

Crystal King, by Mr. M:

Kinda hard to see for a couple seconds until I get used to it, due to the light coloring in a white background. That is my only serious complaint with this picture, as the drawing and coloring are good. Not perfect, but how many pictures are?

I especially like the feel of the King himself, as the robe was nice in the game and is just as nice in this picture. I like his it is olored fairly light, which sticks with the theme, in my opinion.

Good job, Mr. M!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1879

Adorable Yoshi, By Angelette:

This little yoshi is adorable. Despite my general dislike of green yoshies, I like this picture. The drawing is wonderful and the coloring is smooth, although the green is so light I can hardly see it. The red sure stands out though; I particularly like the eyes and spikes. Although yoshi spikes aren’t really spikes, in my opinion.

Once again, however, a plain white background. Don’t get me wrong, they’re fine, but when much of the coloring is light I would prefer a darker background, but eh. Still good.

Good job, Angelette!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1881

The Koopalings and I, by Nintendo Fan:

Very nice picture. First off, the black outlining helps define it more. All of the characters are easily seen, which is good because I don’t like to strain my eyes when viewing art.

Wendy’s expression invariably gets me laughing, Ludwig looks rather peaceful, Larry’s eyes really stand out and are well done, Iggy is very cute here, Roy looks rather angry, Morton is also cute, Lemmy is adorable, and Nintendo Fan looks like a leader of it. I also adore the blue shirt.

Nintendo Fan has drawn all these characters very well, the coloring is almost flawless and it is quite vibrant. The various character details are all in there as well.

I really can’t find more to say on this picture, just that Nintendo Fan has done a very good job, and this certainly deserves to have won Tourists’ Choice.

Good job, Nintendo Fan!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … intendoFan

Hammer Mario Brothers, by The Game Prince:

The sky is well done, especially the clouds. The grass also is very neat, especially with the black outlining at the top edge.

Mario and Luigi are drawn well, and the concept of them in Hammer Brother suits is hilarious to me. I can see it well, and they’re symmetrical poses back-to-back provides a very nice effect.

Good job, The Game Prince!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … GamePrince

Sluggy the Unshaven, by Phantos67:

This picture has the immediate smoothness of perfect digital art, and Sluggy is very well done here.

I like the background, especially the brown bricks, and the spotlight effect is quite nice, as it forces me to imagine the rest of the bricks in place.

This picture has a kind of flawless look to it that I can hardly understand or get over, but it’s good.

Good job, Phantos67!

Direct link: http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … =Phantos67

That’s all for the art reviews!

~Booster

SGT. FLT REVIEWS… BUM BUM DUM DUM BUM… THE LL REVIEWS! THANKS SGT. FLY!

Review Reviews 5.23.09

Oh yes…Reviews. One of Lemmy’s Land’s more overlooked sections. A surpising amount of people fail to realize that Lemmy’s Reviews is barely a section to find reccommendations from amateur writers while there are perfectly good professional critic reviews out there. On the contrary, Reviews can be the perfect section for expressing one’s most passionate opinions, and reading those of others.

Once you’ve realized the genuine significance of reviews, they can be quite interesting to read…But some are more interesting than others. This can most certainly rely on the categories of length, taste, and overall quality. I, Sergeant Fly, shall carefully investigate this week’s reviews and present to you their true colors. Doing this, I will pick apart the seperate categories that the author included in their Review, and then judge how they actually did whilst writing it.
Rating Scale:
10 – Nearly perfect
9 – Wonderful
8 – Very good
7 – Good
6 – Decent
5 – Mediocre
4 – Lousy
3 – Repulsive
2 – Loathsome
1 – Awful
(Decimals will also be used)

YOSHI’S STORY REVIEW – By super_stanly

Ah, Yoshi’s Story…one of the 64′s most underrated games. Short, yes…very…very…short…But fun, oh yes, most certainly fun. Well, would this new author agree with me or not…and thus begins this review. Have at you, Mr. Stanly.

STORY <8.1/10> 7 out of 10 stars seems just about right, maybe a bit too generous. 6 stars might’ve been more appropriate for such a shallow story. Oh, and being such a short and hollow plot, I suppose I can’t blame Stanly as much for making the section so short. That’s typical of Lemmy’s Review authors these days.

PLAY CONTROL <8.4/10> Controls are a difficult section to write a lot about, so again, Stanly gets off the hook for a short section. He may not get as much mercy in further sections, though. He has a valid point with the very floaty controls; I went back and played Yoshi’s Story for the first time in months, and the controls felt awkward, but I got used to them. Definatley a nice job here, Stan.

GRAPHICS <5.9/10> Okay, see, here’s a section that could’ve used a lot more coverage. Yoshi’s Story really does have a unique graphical style, what with the denim-stitched skies and cardboard-cutout backdrops. Yet Stanly only gives the visuals the label of “colorful”. Almost all Mario games have colorful graphics, so “colorful” just won’t do, as that description, while true, does not paint an accurate picture of how the game really looks.

SOUND <6.8/10> T-Ten stars?! Oh dear…That’s…generous of Stanly. The credits theme of the game is beautiful, no doubt, as well as Baby Bowser’s Lullaby or Alpina Blue, or whatever the snow theme was called…But I think the soundtrack would earn 8 or so stars.

GAMEPLAY <7.7/10> Okay, fairly good job here, but it fails to deeply cover some of Story’s unique features. The worst violator of this flaw would be the mention of the grocery-hunting mechanic, probaby one of the game’s bigger imperfections. It is not stated what he thinks of this. Comments about the game’s ease are also incorrectly placed in this section at times.

DIFFICULTY <8.0/10> Pretty nice. While the game is far too easy, it’s definatley agreeable that those Blurps in Jungle Puddle are quite annoying. This reviewer also did well to point out that fruit is all over the place, so you can pretty much just recover your health whenever you need to. I think the absolutely pathetic bosses deserve a dishonorable mention though; Don Bongo…hmph. I had more trouble fighting Monstar in Paper Mario with the Power Bounce + Super Jump Charge combo than I had with Don.

FUN FACTOR <5.7/10> Fun Factor is a difficult section to write for, requiring th ability to pick apart all the central points of fun or tedium in the game in order to make it of sufficient length. It seems Stanly, however, didn’t feel like doing that and just typed up a single line of text. The rating of 8 stars is pretty accurate, though.

REPLAYABILITY <6.2/10> It’s unclear to me what this author’s criteria for beating the game is, but I’d consider it to be beating one level in each page. In the chance that he thought the same way, he obviously forgot to include the fact that more Heart Fruits can unlock more levels, ultimatley rendering up to 4 entertaining playthroughs of the game. Stanly’s been a little too generous throughout this Review, but here, he’s maybe being too strict.

THE VERDICT <8.4/10> Probably the best-written section of this Review. He included all the more important critcisms in the review and presented them nicely. The recommendations are sort of iffy, though. He suggests you “try before you buy”, but I doubt that any stores offer Nintendo 64 rentals anymore. He’s also failed to mention that this game’s on the Virtual Console, perfectly accessible from there.

REVIEW AT A GLANCE <8.0/10> I have a soft spot for these pros-and-cons sections. A good conclusion to the Review, and the title “forgotten gem” fits Yoshi’s Story pretty well. Perhaps “gem” is an overstatement though, it’s more like…a cool-looking, shiny rock that you could live without, but you’d still like to have it.

——————————–

And now, to judge the author’s writing style and overall performance.

LENGTH <7.2/10> Always a problem with most Reviewers nowadays. While pretty short, Stan’s Review is longer than most other modern reviewers, which keeps him safely in the 7 out of 10 range.

PRESENTATION <8.9/10> Oh, lovely job here. Nothing too hard on the eyes, and putting the category names in all-caps somehow makes it more appealing. The only flaw is that the number of stars is stated in random places, as opposed to being right next to the title, where they belong.

TASTE <8.5/10> As I said before, Yoshi’s Story IS an underrated game, and Stanly is one of the few people who gave it a fair score, despite being too generous in the music category.

OVERALL <7.8/10> Well, this isn’t the best Review, but it’s surely better than most of the reviews we see, because some authors have only trimmed their reviews only down to the bare essentials, to a point where there are only one or two sentences per category. While still pretty short, that DOES make this Review easier on the eyes, and it’s overall pretty good. This gets a 7.8 out of 10 from me.

Hopefully Stan plans to keep submitting Reviews.
~Sgt. Fly

AND FINALLY OUR SCRIBBLE ASSASSIN, THE GAME PRINCE!

 Hey, it’s the “Scribble Assasin” here, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to shoot them or anything… Actually, maybe I’ll shoot them with a few ratings and
comments. That’s my job. I’m The Game Prince, and this is my first weekly
scribbles review. Sadly, this week there were none, and last week there were
only two. So I’m gonna give last week’s two all I got!

First up, we have Mario & Luigi: Superfast Saga by zz1666.

http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1382

First of all, this is a parody of Superstar Saga, which you could tell by the title without even reading it. Concidering that the parody is basically Superstar Saga only minus many scenes and those scenes it does have go by very fast. Once again, the title also creatively displays that fact as well.

As per usual, the scribble is in script format and makes the Mario characters
somewhat of idiots. Even though this promotes a laugh sometimes, I couldn’t help but frown upon that switcheroo. I’m all for a close link between games and media, meaning the more it’s like the game, the better, but zz1666′s scribble was fine to me nevertheless.

So anyway, the story starts out the same as the game. Like any good parody, the author makes fun of the events in the beginning. The actual plot is for the most part missing. Toad runs into Mario’s bathroom and Mario beats Toad up, Mario runs to Peach’s castle with Luigi, Mario pretty much PWNZ Bowser with one punch, Bowser kidnaps Mario so he’d join his team… And so on forth. If you’ve played the game, at this point, you’d think it’d be hilarious, because it’s basically making fun of the game at a fast pace. If you haven’t played the game, you’d think the story was bad and confusing.

Also, what’s a good parody without messing a few things up too?

Luigi: Hey, who’s that?

Fawful sends an energy ball at Bowser, which knocks him out of the Koopa

Cruiser.

Mario: Woah, Bowser is flying!

Luigi: I thought he was too fat to fly.

Fawful: I have fury!

Mario: What are you, a mentally ill psycho?

This is a good example of how fast the story goes. You can also tell that this is usually very funny judging that Mario and Luigi’s lines were pretty funny.

Making fun of the characters is the best way to earn laughs. Making them actually stupid, no. Making them the way they really are and making them look stupid in the story? Yes. zz1666 actually does both, and the story succeeds.

Anyway, it’s a great scribble. I’d definitely recommend this one. My only critique is that the plot, even though going fast on purpouse, left out a few parts that could’ve made it longer and even more fun. For instance,

Mario and Luigi are on top of the cannon trying to get Bowser out, when

General Starshade appears.

General Starshade: Leave now!

General Starshade launches them out of the cannon. Bowser keeps flying but

Mario and Luigi fall off on top of Hoohoo Mountain.

He completely skipped climbing Hoohoo mountain. That would’ve given him
time to make fun of the hoohoo people were making for coffee mugs. Oh well.

Anyway, keep up the great work zz1666! To me, scribbles that are parodies to games = big win.

RATINGS:
HUMOR: 8/10 (Making fun of the characters and events in a game full of

strange characters and events. Perfect.)
FORMAT: 6/10 (I’m okay with script, but people generally don’t like it. Also, making some of the character’s personalities change is standard for scribbles, but I just don’t like it when it’s so unrealistic in the Marioverse.)
CREATIVITY: 10/10 (I never would’ve thought of making a PARODY to SUPERSTAR SAGA and making it go FAST, and even making the title display the enire thing. And funny creativity at that.)
OVERALL: 24/30 or 12/15

My next review will be Trapped, by Fireball.

http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lksection.php … ssion=1383

Luckily, I enjoyed this as well. However, another scribble where some of the characters turn into morons. Mario and Peach, to be exact. But even with this style, Fireball writes it so even an idiotic Mario can be a great laugh.

Just like it’s prequels, Toad is once again getting the unlucky side by a bossy and dumb Peach, who assigns Toad to go and do things with an idiot Mario, and she docks Toad’s pay without realizing it was Mario’s fault. This one is different though. Toad actually gets an easy task- just fix a toilet with Mario.

Lucky for Toad, the toilet was fine and he does not have to endure the day with Mario anymore, right? WRONG.

Fireball put another ACTUAL conflict in. The door to the bathroom is stuck and they try to figure a way out. And of course, every way ends up with Mario somehow agrivating Toad to tears. The humor level isn’t the highest, but it does have it’s funny moments. With a ton of Mario characters coming in and getting trapped, thus agrivating Toad more since they’re all annoying, the humor in this story is somewhat guranteed. I’d say the idea was creative as well if it wasn’t for this sort of thing happening in all of his scribbles.

Eventually, even Randy Savage the wrestler makes a debut in the scribble and gets stuck in the bathroom. One of the funniest parts, because it was quite random for that to happen and once again the scribble makes fun of the character in a humorous way. Such as the trademark “YEAH YEAH YEAH!”.

The ending was also quite ironic. For the fact that they were in the bathroom longer than they had to stay, and that Peach was actually going to give Toad a raise until he sarcastically asked for a dock… And due to Peach being dumb in the story, she took sarcasm seriously.

Breifly explaining the plot of the story takes most of the fun out of it. Read it for yourself and see what I mean. Fireball should continue his series, indefinitely!

RATINGS:
HUMOR: 9/10 (The manipulation of Toad, and the other character’s awkward moments made the humor in this story memorable. Especially the random appearance of a wrestler.)
FORMAT: 6/10 (Once again, Mario characters have personalities that are the exact oposite of their real personalities. But Fireball uses it to his advantage
nevertheless.)
CREATIVITY: 7/10 (An awesome idea full of good moments. But I could have sworn this idea has been used many times, especially on television.)
OVERALL: 22/30 or 11/15

So, until next time! Hopefully next week there are actually new scribbles to review… Or else I’m going to have to go back! Of course that’s okay too.
Well, until next time!

~The Game Prince

 Well, look for the separate coverage of the reviws and fun fiction coming over the weekend and emerging into the following week! That’s all for our compilation, for now!

Your head editor, Teela, signing off!

So what makes good dramatic fan fiction, you might wonder, and are there any on Lemmy’s Land? As a matter of fact, tucked away inside the brown sea of script-formatted crap, there are a few gems waiting to be discovered. A few are quite well-known in the community. Love is Acceptance, for example, seems to be the pinnacle of dramatic fan fiction, and it should be a first read for any writer hoping to create an original character without making them a Mary Sue. And despite its polarized reception, The Good, The Bad, and the Torte also puts a lot more effort towards drama than, say, Bowser Goes Back to School (Which, might I add, is yet another undeserved addition to Little Lemmy’s Land. Was Mario Goes to Kindergarten not enough to show how stupid Mario characters can get?) 

Both of these stories are dramatic – or at least partly dramatic – and I could easily use them to showcase what makes a good emotional submission, but instead I’m going to turn to a more obscure story by a familiar author, which is as simple in writing as Life is Too Cruel, and often suffers from the same errors, but shows how even a fanfic writer discovering the craft for the first time can succeed in making a decent, enjoyable story. By no means is it amazing, but it’s a step in the right direction that everyone can learn from. I’m talking about Mikko’s Diary by Husky-Washu. Without further ado, let’s examine the polar opposite of Life is Too Cruel, and find out what it can teach us.

~~~

(http://www.lemmykoopa.com/lk2/lk2-180.htm )

Sunday, Larrius 1

Well, journal, this is my first time writing in you. It finally happened. After years of fighting, Bowser and his kids have finally taken over the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario and Luigi moved out to who-knows-where. I don’t know where Princess Peach is. I’m assuming she’s a prisoner, but who knows? I hope Mario and Luigi come back soon because things are getting really bad here. Bowser sent out some troops to look for anyone who escaped.

So begins this wartime epic, the Diary of Ann Frank of Mario fan fiction, a drama to rival Schindler’s List and Grave of the Fireflies.

Okay, it’s not that awesome, but looking back at the first two critiqued stories, the intro to Mikko’s Diary is a Godsend. The conflict is interesting, if not given away a bit too soon, there’s no mention of stereotypes, and our narrator Mikko’s plight seems real. That’s really hard to pull off in a story, but Husky succeeds because she doesn’t have to resort to cheap emotional potshots like having someone stabbed to death within the first few paragraphs for no reason. Death can be sad, but living in constant fear of being captured, put to death, or worse – that can be horrifying.

Such is the predicament the black Yoshi Mikko is in. He’s part of a group of seven fugitive Yoshis on the run from Bowser’s troops, and in a matter of a few journal entries, that number’s reduced to five. They get reunited later, but not knowing that, the way in which Mikko talks about the disappearances of his friends is disheartening. I can tell that Husky’s writing in this story is not as strong as it is now, but she made a wonderful choice by writing the story in a diary format. It makes up for her lack of expertise on fiction writing by allowing the first-person perspective to eliminate the need for emotional details. The simplicity cuts hard, as seen here:

We were lucky last night and the night before. Bowser’s army walked right past us. We were all sitting close together in a corner of the cave. We didn’t have a fire going or anything. They would have found us for sure if we had. Anyway, we’re thinking of moving somewhere far away from here. Maybe somewhere like Grass Land or something where we can hide until we think of a plan.

No grieving, no extensive descriptions of how badly the Yoshis are scared. Just the image of being huddled in a corner in the dark, soldiers walking past…it’s powerful stuff. You don’t need to be a bestselling author to convey that scene.

Anyway, the first few entries deal with the two missing Yoshis – Sandy and Ivy – as well as the rest of the group, who are all named and explained fairly briefly, but enough that their personalities are clear throughout the story. Not all are given equal attention, admittedly. One in particular, Blade, never really appears as more than a Yoshi predisposed to fighting. At the same time, Husky provides several good characters to balance the lot, like the psychic, purple yoshi Twilight (no relation to the crappy vampire romance of the same name), because every fugitive group needs a psychic. It would have been easy for Husky to reduce Twilight to a clairvoyant, “Let me stare into my crystal ball” type, but she keeps the character surprisingly subtle through it all.

Twilight seems to have some psychic powers or something. She says she sometimes gets visions in her dreams. I think that’s why she doesn’t talk much. Must be focusing on the future.

Finally, the Yoshis vow revenge on their captured friends and attack a passing Koopa troop, reducing them to a bunch of sniveling cowards as they retreat back to their castle. I’d wonder why a well-armed group of Koopas would be so easily subdued by five, unarmed Yoshis struggling to find the food and supplies needed to subsist, but hey, the writing’s good, so I can’t complain too much.

As you might expect, the next day the Yoshis are met by even more resistance in the form of the Koopa Kids, who join the fray armed with “big bazooka thingies and missile launchers and all that stuff.” I guess fire breath wasn’t overkill enough. With superior numbers and weaponry, they overpower Mikko and his friends, and Mikko gets knocked out by Roy, waking up later in a prison cell in Bowser’s castle.

I should point out now that despite the often dangerous, extreme conditions that Mikko finds himself in, he never seems to be at loss for his diary and a writing utensil. It’s a bit of a stretch to assume the cold, totalitarian Koopa empire would let him sit in the dungeon doodling away, but it gets even worse when he ends up in a blizzard and desert WHILE walking and supporting another person on his back, and still can focus on writing in his journal, which makes you wonder if the notebook came with a free invisibility cloak and extreme weather proofing.

I just woke up. Right now I’m in the dungeon of Bowser’s castle. Blaze, Aquarius, Twilight, and Blade are here. I should stop writing. My hand hurts and so does my head. Geez, that kid hits hard.

For the next few days, Mikko is forced with the other Yoshis to work on a death laser intended to be used on Peach’s castle. See, as the M. Nigh Shyamalan twist informs us, Bowser doesn’t actually have complete control over the Mushroom Kingdom. Princess Peach is still in her castle. It’s just that Bowser decided to first get Mario and Luigi out of the picture first before turning his sights on Ms. Toadstool. It’s probably the first smart thing the King of Koopas has done in ages, considering all previous attempts to kidnap the princess have not accounted for the presence of a meddling plumber. Still, with his two greatest threats out of the picture, I can’t help but wonder why Bowser needs a death machine to destroy the castle when, unhindered by Mario and Luigi, he can just stroll in, hoist the Princess on his shoulder, and walk out whistling. I guess convoluted world domination plots are always a must for villains.

And it’s here that the story starts to falter. Despite the plot inconsistencies I’ve mentioned so far, the story remained strong through the strength of the first person narrative and the emotion in Mikko’s plight. As if to remind me that not all that glitters is gold, Husky makes the mistake of including the prime indicator of bad fanfic writing: character stereotypes.

These kids are driving me crazy! For starters, it’s obvious I don’t like Larry sneaking around at night. Next, Morton needs to lay off the talking. I can hear Ludwig playing his music all the way in this dungeon. It’s terrifying! Then Wendy is admiring herself all the time…that’s not too bad. Lemmy and Iggy are pretty nice. Roy scares me, though. He already punched me hard. I don’t want to go through that again.

WHY!? You were doing so good for the first chunk of the story. You could have made it without the Koopaling stereotypes. If you just…GAH!

I don’t know why even the best of Lemmy’s Land submissions fall prey to this sad reality. Not even Love is Acceptance is free of this story-writing sin. For goodness sake, is it that hard to come up with original personalities for seven characters? It doesn’t have to be anything complicated, so let’s see some originality for a change.

I guess the big problem might be that a lot of people visiting Lemmy’s Land get the impression that in order to have their story fit in, they have to follow the formulas laid down by previous submissions, and that’s the worst thing an aspiring writer can do. The reason the stereotypes get so annoying is because they’re so common. Maybe when Lemmy first introduced him in his stories, they were fresh and funny, but seeing them so often – and in stories that have no need for such two-dimensional cliches – makes them a pain to encounter again and again and again and ad infinidum.

Thankfully, Husky never abuses these stereotypes like Life is Too Cruel did, and they account for a small percentage of the story’s content. The only other instance a stereotype pops up besides the above paragraph is a mention of Lemmy and Iggy sharing sentences. And as if sensing my discomfort having read that list of overdone Koopaling cliches, Husky quickly delivers us what just might be the best passage in the entire story, bar none.

We’re all much happier now that our group is back together. Sandy told us that she and Ivy had stayed in the same cell, so they were together. “We were crying every night,” Sandy said. “But now that we’re together again, I know we won’t be.” Blaze and Sandy told some more jokes and we all laughed really hard. Some of them were so stupid we just had to laugh. And Twilight kinda lost it there. She laughed so hard she cried and she had to stop and try to catch her breath. Then Blaze or Sandy would say something and Twilight would start cracking up again.

…that just warmed my cold, little ninja heart.

All you writers out there planning to write Lemmy’s Land next big hit? Nail that paragraph to your wall alongside the entirety of Love is Acceptance and all of Mewd’s MST3k’s. Read it, memorize it, understand it, smell it, taste it, make sure that it’s as familiar to you as the blood that flows through your body. Even if you don’t get anything else out of this story, try to understand what makes this paragraph work. Once again, its the simplicity of the writing, but it’s also its focus on laughter, on something besides sheer heartbreak. It’s easy to think that sadness can be induced by death and the ensuing grief, but even something as happy and innocent as laughter, in the right context and execution, can show how tough and desperate certain conditions are. A lot of people tend to forget that, but knowing this helps make the drama in your work all the more subtle and improves the quality vastly.

Did you save that paragraph somewhere on your computer? Good, because after that the story dips back into mediocre territory. Just before Bowser orders the Yoshis to wheel the death machine of extreme death to Peach’s Castle to obliterate it, Mikko and his friends manage to escape and are back on the run. They know that the Koopas will be on their tails within the day, so they try to figure out their next course of action and their next destination. They decide on going to Ice Land, since Lemmy rules it and he’s one of the nicer Koopalings. How do they know that?

Aquarius said that because she had played Super Mario Bros. 3 and Lemmy owns Ice Land.

……..really?

You’re including, in a fairly serious story based on a video game, that exact video game? A video game, which I might add, was developed in Japan, a small, island nation on the planet Earth which is in no way related to the fictional universe where the Mario video games take place. Under the assumption that Yoshis, a species implied by both the Mario games and the cartoon based on it to be a tribal group living without technology and any modern conveniences, can own and play video games.

That sound you just heard? That’s the universe imploding – for the second time this month. Jesus, as soon as you clean it up, another paradox has to go and wreck everything.

I understand that Husky is probably new to writing around the time she wrote “Mikko’s Diary,” and I was willing to forgive her for the Koopaling stereotypes, but how does this happen? How do you think that including a video game inside a work based on said video game can be a good idea in the least. It’s not as distracting as seeing a full-sized, pixellated screenshot from the game like in Life is Too Cruel, but it’s still pretty damn distracting.

Hopefully Husky knows not to do that more than once, and will refrain from including further game logic in her story so she can—

Twilight said that if we had a Warp Whistle, then we could warp to some place and choose our destination.

Head, meet desk. Desk, meet head. Brain, meet heavy concussion. So glad we can meet and introduce ourselves to each other.

The group succeeds in finding a – ughh… – “warp whistle,” which whisks them away to Ice Land, and there they end up bumping into Lemmy and Iggy flying around on their doomships. As if the fourth wall shattering mistakes previously mentioned weren’t bad enough, Mikko’s group is tired enough that instead of taking the logical route and running away from the two Koopalings screaming, they decide to argue with Bowser’s children while Lemmy and Iggy eat pizza, put on earmuffs, and everybody else sleeps. All the while, Mikko’s writing gets more and more sloppy and uncharacteristically snarky, and as if that wasn’t stupid enough, Lemmy and Iggy end up successfully capturing the Yoshis by beating them in a snowball fight. I am not making that up.

So did I confuse you? Were the grammatical errors enough to drive you crazy? Was it long enough? Thought so. Good night… <yawn>

How the mighty have fallen…

So after having spent so much time worrying about their escape, getting away from the Koopas, and not participating in the attack on Peach’s castle, for no adequately explained reason they’ve placed themselves back in the hands of the Koopas. And they don’t care. Why? I don’t know if Husky got tired of the story at this point, and it’s a reasonable assumption, since it’s unfinished, but if so, that’s such a shame, because she could have ended this on a good note. Instead, the last several journal entries are of Mikko and friends, along with Lemmy, in Desert Land after Lemmy’s doomship crashed en route to Dark Land. For several journal entries and several days, the group tries to reach Morton’s castle, always on the horizon but never seeming to draw closer, just like the purpose of the second half of this story.

Ack! Everyone else can’t go any further either. Is this it? NO IT CAN’T BEEEE!!! NONONONONO!!! THIS REALLY STINKS! Oops. Sorry…zzz…

Mikko…

~~~

I have to admit, despite the beating I gave parts of Mikko’s Diary, the story was, overall, a pleasant read, and that’s counting the second half. I admit that it’s an overall flawed piece, but it manages to make up for every major pitfall with a section that’s either excellent or at least readable. There was never any point where I had to tell myself to keep going, and the diary format allows it to be read in small chunks.

I guess this is the best way to describe the story. Life is Too Cruel is a generally bad story with several good scenes, while Mikko’s Story is a generally good story with several bad scenes. And really, the latter is what I’m hoping Lemmy’s Land will be primarily composed of. We can’t expect all stories to be on the level of Love is Acceptance, because submissions like that come once in a blue moon, and not everybody pursues writing as their dominant hobby. However, we can hope to see stories that, like Mikko’s Diary, have a genuine interest in emotion, and can exercise some subtlety in making it work. In fact, avoid all the really negative elements I pointed out – Koopaling stereotypes, needless fourth wall breaking, out-of-character actions – while following the good things mentioned and you’ve got the recipe for a decent story. Of course, to write a great story, you need more than that – personal style, creativity, and interest – but if we want Lemmy’s Land to improve in submission quality, we can learn a thing or two from Mikko’s Diary.

This is Ninja-Z, your mystic critic, bidding you all, ‘adios.’

~NZ~

P.S. Sorry for the delay. I’ll put up something big next weekend to make up for the wait. ‘Till then, see ya!

Naw, guys, not this week. I’m-a gonna show y’all how it’s *really* done! Fan Fiction, that is. Teela requested that I don’t spend *all* my time writing up horrid things about the stuff you lot write. She whined it’s … “not educational” or something like that. Said to show you some good examples this week..

So I threw myself in the mud– I mean, into the main page of Lemmy’s Land, and dug up some cra— … REALLY GOOD FAN FICTION.

Actually, there were less things submitted in script format this week. STUPID SCRIPT FORMAT. IT’S FOR MOVIES AND INTERVIEWS, NOT FOR FUN *FICTION*. Fan Fiction. *Snarls* But you all heard that last week. Sophie is happier.

But still there are those who write like they want to be playwrights. Technically, by right, as soon as you have written a story, you are a writer. Well, these people are playwrights:

Mario and Luigi’s Minionmon Journey by SUPER LEMMY 959.

No, I do *NOT* find you super, and your title kinda smells like you’ve watched too much digimon. If such is the case, come on and digivolve already to ultimate!

Snifit X Season 1: The Snifit Adventures By RED SHY GUY

You’re lucky that your use of script format is a total turn off to my witchy critiques, because otherwise the story would buuurrrn….

The Dark Prognosticus, Chapter 1: Paper Mario, The TRUE Story By DIMENTIO

*click* *Back*

The Dark Prognosticus Sub-Chapter A: Bowser Jr’s Betrayal By  DIMENTIO

I see no fiction story here.

Not to say that… you know, that there isn’t a possibility of a story being in those playwrights’ works, but I view Lemmy’s Land for stories, not movie scripts. Mmhm.

So, now that I’m done throwing out those stories, that leaves only:

The Worst Enemies By Jenna

which I looked over and decided that I would rather attack and/or praise the next story, a very well-written piece to which you should all learn something from (so long as it keeps it at these current standards). Now, “The Worst Enemies” is decent, but I felt the following story had more content to which I could tear into. So, without further adue:

Conquest, by Drake Guy.

Immediately I favor the dry bones in the story. I love the vivid description to which the author has put much effort into; every sentence looks like it was painstakingly born of thought and careful consideration. Off the bat one can tell that Drake Guy seems to have good control over mood and tone– the very feel of the story.

I began reading and said, “Woo-hoo! This author knows what they’re doing,” and gave Teela a little credit for finding me something I actually like. Just a little, yoshi. Don’t get your hopes up; it’s not perfect and doesn’t deserve spot number one, as you were hopping around proclaiming.

But really now, the author manages to entertain not just by jolting the story with some great imagery, but also manages to progress the story very well. We get characterization right off the bat, and lines like the following:

“He pulled a strap from the hole and tied it to a hook on the backside of his backpack. He did the same on his other side. He found it was much harder to run off with his backpack if the straps were tied and locked into his own rib cage.”

I mean, when you step back to think of it… this is a Mario enemy. Look at the personality given here! The author has taken a reanimated pile of bones and given it such a lovable, quirky feel.

So the Dry Bones walks by the court house and is apparently familiar with the sherriff; the story begins with him being told he must go to Hooktail’s castle and gather up the residents there under the Isle Delfino flag because a rowdy Red Bones has taken over and is being such a Hitler. The Sheriff decides it’s best if they obtain some mainland territory.

Now, kiddies, there are a few flaws I have found thus far. While I do love the story for its striking degree of literary merit, there are still some major flaws:

“Delfino Island, despite common belief, had its own government. The Mayor, more or less, headed things. Since Isle Delfino was naturally protected by endless stretches of sea and was a common tourist site for ALL other kingdoms, it had next to no conflict whatsoever. But, if a rowdy group came on a boat, the Mayor looked to the Sheriff. The Sheriff had control over Isle Delfino’s small police force, and was on par with the Mayor when it came to power. Overall, Isle Delfino was headed by 3 people with equal power depending on their field of expertise. There was the Mayor, the Sheriff, and the Analyst.  But we’ll get back to that later.”

It is NOT okay to throw a bunch of information on the reader all at once. You had such a great tone going there, but this is oddly placed and should be broken up. In fact, it shouldn’t need be said. It is always better to show something when you can, and when you feel you can’t really explain what you’re trying to portray through words, it’s best to sum it up as quick as possible.

I also don’t appreciate the … It just seems that Dry is just thrown in there. There is no simple explanation for how he knows the Sheriff; one minute it’s portrayed to us that he’s a photographer, the next he’s a Sheriff’s lackey? He doesn’t, as the author has Dry state himself, work for the Sheriff! So really it just seems that the author was at a loss for how the main character could get involved in the plot and just forced two ends together. And that last line? “Oh, we’ll get back to that later,” is completely unnecessary. It shows a lack of focus and that entire paragraph makes me irritated simply due to it presenting a faltering of the writer’s ability to keep focus.

That is not a bright idea, and it irritates anyone who notices it. Like me. Now I’m distracted by that information, which is not good.

As a side note, I like this transition:

“… But somewhere else, in Castle Koopa, somebody was busy thinking towards the future.”

Also, as we progress the plot to learn that Bowser is taking Junior away, much to the koopalings’ disgust, I enjoyed this brief character explanation:

“Larry rolled his eyes when she turned away. Kammy definitely was NOT his favorite option of information, but Kamek would never spill on his master, and none of the servants would know anything either. Kammy, on the other hand, was a glorified gossip and would tell you anything, if you were able to pick out the exaggerations.”

If I had no idea who Kammy was, this is a very lovely and non-distracting summary. This little tid bit is well placed and portrays the point perfectly, doing its job of informing without distraction.

So we find out that Bowser left to investigate into the “diplomatic affairs” that is the same dilemma that Dry Bones was sent into.

We learn that Dry Bones is an ambassador, but still, I feel that fact should have been set up and well established earlier. It’s not appropriate to throw this at a reader because it’s an important fact and should have been elaborated on earlier. The Sheriff could have explained simply that he chose Dry Bones due to him being able to relate to the residents and that Dry Bones was only going to be a diplomat to try and work things out. And to go one step further, why him, of all Dry Bones. It’s hinted that they have a past together, but even that was a bit too vague and obscure for my tastes.

To me, it didn’t seem like that important fact was executed together in one package and would have been more important, more well placed had all the information been presented in one go.

So we end with a pretty promising beginning as Ludwig spies the folder Larry had recieved from Kammy with all the information of Bowser’s plans. Ludwig is going to go after Larry.

Overall, as mentioned, this is well done. Yes, some sentences are a little wordy, and there are many words that could be cut out, but it does more than a lot of fan fiction I see — it conveys a story, and conveys it well.

The plot is progressed quickly and efficiently without sagging, the characterization is accomplished but does not get in the way, and overall, it runs very smoothly. I don’t like how some facts are not introduced together about the characters and how some little characterization tidbits seem thrown in there due to random thought without being elaborated on (it’s okay to make things up about your characters as you go, but really, you should always go back and scan to see if what you made up fits with what is happening currently in that particular scene in the story and assess the appropriateness of its placement there). Some of the information presented seem like it will likely be elaborated at a later date, but that bit about him knowing the sheriff, that particular scene’s ending, seems rushed and needs a touch up.

It was an important scene because it introduces Dry’s conflict– obviously very important, because the readers want more than just pretty, humerous scentences about your main character– and how he becomes involved. If this isn’t executed better, your readers are liable to believe that future situations will also not be very well executed by you, the author, and will begin to lose faith in your ability for telling the story as coherently as possible.

But I enjoy this, and I am glad I got a chance to see something mostly enjoyable. Thanks for this delicious brew of a story, and perhaps with a slight change of a few ingrediants and a close re-read after every section, we can hope the author will continue to make it good.

There, Teela. I said something nice. Happy now?

This has been your crazy swamp witch, Sophie, signing out! Stay away from the cauldron!